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‘The Imitation Crab of Kings’
The “No Kings” protests brought out crowds of seven million Americans on Saturday, while Republicans maintained that President Trump is not a king.
On Monday’s “Daily Show,” Jon Stewart whipped out a wig for a “surprise inspection” of the Declaration of Independence, seeing how Trump fared with the 27 specific grievances listed against the king.
“Let’s go to the source: the original ‘no kings’ protest, the revolution.” — JON STEWART
“The declaration says — ah! — ‘He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislatures.’ Done. ‘Cutting off our trade with all parts of the world.’ That does sound familiar. ‘He has obstructed the administration of justice.’ It’s getting hot in here. And here is one more: ‘He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us.’” — JON STEWART
“Look, maybe Trump isn’t an all-powerful king, the kind who can do whatever he wants, but he’s undeniably king-adjacent, king-esque, moving for more. He’s the imitation crab of kings right now, the ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not King.’” — JON STEWART
“It wasn’t a ‘hate America’ rally at all. I look forward to Republicans apologizing sincerely for implying that these Americans were, what’s the word I’m looking for? Deplorable!” — JON STEWART
The Punchiest Punchlines (Seven Million-Strong Edition)
“Nearly seven million Americans on Saturday participated in ‘No Kings’ protests across the country against the Trump administration. That number goes up to 10 million if you include everybody who went, ‘Oh, that’s today? Dang it.’” — SETH MEYERS
“I was going to go, but I went into the attic to find my ‘pussy hat,’ and then the moths — the moths had gotten to it.” — BILL MAHER
“You know it’s bad when seven million people make plans on a Saturday, then actually follow through.” — JIMMY FALLON
“There hasn’t been a crowd that big in Boston since Dunkin’ held a promotion called Win a Free Munchkin Every Time You Scream ‘Jeter sucks.’” — SETH MEYERS
“You know New Yorkers are pissed when they voluntarily come to Times Square on a weekend.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Actually, it was kind of an incredible turnout that was somewhat inspiring. Seven million Americans, zero mass shootings. Zero! That’s just sad. No mass shootings? My God. Has that even happened before? Even the dog parade had some nipping.” — JON STEWART
“So this weekend’s ‘No Kings’ rallies were notable for all the elderly people in attendance. It was the first demonstration ever to be funded by George Soros and visiting angels. And, no, that smell wasn’t tear gas — it was Aspercreme.” — GREG GUTFELD
“Saturday was ‘No Kings’ day. it was a raging success. Because on Sunday, there were no kings. But there were no kings on Saturday, either, so they rallied about something that didn’t exist. Kind of like France protesting deodorant.” — GREG GUTFELD
The Bits Worth Watching
The actor and former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger discussed his plans for saving democracy on Friday’s “Real Time with Bill Maher.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
The actor Michael J. Fox will talk about his new memoir, “Future Boy,” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”
Also, Check This Out
A new “Purple Rain” stage musical will open in Prince’s hometown, Minneapolis, this November.
The post Late Night Revisits Ye Olde ‘No Kings’ Protests appeared first on New York Times.
