Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Day 15 and Counting
There’s no end in sight for the government shutdown, which entered its 15th day on Wednesday. Jimmy Kimmel remarked that President Trump had been “doing his part to bring the two sides together,” showing a social media post from Trump that called the Democrats ‘the party of hate, evil and Satan.’”
“Hate, evil and Satan. And that’s why they call him the peace president.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Only four shutdowns have gone longer than this one, the longest being a two-month stoppage in 2018, when Trump shut the government down until they brought back the McRib or something. I think he won that one. “— JIMMY KIMMEL
“Republicans are refusing to cut a deal with the Democrats to fund health care, and they’re also refusing to do other parts of their job, like swearing in Representative-elect Adelita Grijalva, who won a special election in Arizona almost a month ago. Speaker Mike Johnson says he won’t swear her in until the House is back in session, after the government shutdown ends. Nope! Those two things have nothing to do with each other. That’s like saying, ‘Hey, man, I’d love to come to your child’s clarinet recital, but, ya know, Toyotathon.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Oh, there was some teeny-tiny progress yesterday when Grijalva got the keys to her congressional office, which seemed like a good start. But when she got there, she found it had no internet, no phone lines and no computers. Honestly? Dream office.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Mickey D’s Edition)
“Today we got a hum-doozy of a dinger because the R.N.C. chair spilled on the wild way Trump eats his McDonald’s order. So — not by mouth? Is it … is it with his neck?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“He needs his McDonald’s fresh and piping hot. And he apparently pulls his Filet-O-Fish straight out of the fryer, which is why his hand looks like that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“I can’t help but feel for everyone who has to fly with the president. Imagine being stuck on a 12-hour flight with an old man hot-boxing you with filet o’ farts.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Bits Worth Watching
Greg Gutfeld and his panel lamented modern teens’ loss of interest in high school dances.
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
The British indie rock band Wet Leg will perform on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
Also, Check This Out
Aubrey Plaza is the best part of Atlantic Theater Company’s production of a set of three one-act plays by Ethan Coen, “Let’s Love!”
The post U.S. Enters 15th Day of Late-Night Jokes About Government Shutdown appeared first on New York Times.
