As a society that claims to be body positive, we witness and perpetuate a ton of harsh criticism and toxic messaging regularly. Take one scroll on TikTok, and you’ll see countless companies and influencers pushing beauty products and procedures that will “fix” whatever insecurity you’re struggling with.
Unfortunately, many of us have been led to believe we must hide or change the most unique and human parts of ourselves. We’re shown the ideal body type—which changes every few years, mind you—and “perfect” facial features, which many people will strive to achieve through expensive injectables. We’re told to “age with grace,” as if that means erasing the evidence of leading a fulfilling life, filled with laughter and fueled by resilience.
These beauty standards bleed into our relationships and sex lives, stripping us of our ability to be present, connect with our partners, and experience safety and pleasure in our own bodies.
66% of Women Think They’re Too Fat for Sex
It’s no shock that many women feel too self-conscious to enjoy intimacy. In fact, according to a survey of 2,000 adults by the dating app Flirtini, released ahead of Body Acceptance Week (Oct 23–27), 75% of women keep the lights out during sex because they feel insecure about their body, with nearly half (42%) doing it every time.
Additionally, 66% of women have avoided being intimate because they felt bloated or not slim enough, with 73% feeling relief when the temperature cools, so they can finally hide under layers of clothing.
And it’s not all just in our heads, either. A heartbreaking 53% of women said they’ve heard rude comments about their bodies during sex.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Can you imagine being in your most vulnerable, most intimate state with a partner, only to have them judge or criticize your body? That fact alone is disturbing—and it shows why so many women (and men too, I’m sure) suffer from insecurities during sex.
Society’s Impossible Beauty Standards
It isn’t just about the size or shape of our bodies. Women are ridiculously hard on themselves, thanks to the impossible beauty standards set for us. We must be perfectly smooth, our bodies hairless, our complexion clear…no stretch marks, no scars, no cellulite.
Quite frankly, it’s all a bunch of bulls**t.
“Body hair, stretch marks, and bloating are normal human features, yet so many people are ashamed of them,” said Charisse Cooke, MNCPS-accredited psychotherapist and a relationship expert at Flirtini. “That’s baffling.”
When you choose to have sex with someone, you choose to share the most intimate parts of yourself, and you deserve respect in return. Sex shouldn’t feel like a performance; it should feel like an act of empowerment, connection, and love. You shouldn’t have to worry about whether you look like that influencer on TikTok or the actress on your TV. You shouldn’t have to avoid connection simply because you ate something earlier in the day that caused bloating.
But unfortunately, many of us do.
“It’s harmful to you in the first place, because if you feel pressure to ‘prepare’ your body for intimacy, you aren’t truly present in the moment,” Cooke explained. “In my opinion, true confidence is rooted in self-acceptance and understanding that you don’t need to earn love through appearance.”
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