It seems everyone I know, myself included, is experiencing burnout today. With daily responsibilities, personal relationships, and financial hardships overwhelming our schedules and brains, it’s hard to feel grounded and present for those who matter most.
Unfortunately, the ever-so-present career exhaustion isn’t just affecting us on an individual level—it’s affecting those closest to us, namely our partners.
I mean, it makes sense. When you have practically nothing left to give yourself after a long day, you likely won’t have much to offer your partner, either. This leads to what experts call “burnout breakup,” or breakups that occur as a direct result of depletion.
What Is a Burnout Breakup?
Essentially, burnout breakups occur when a person’s job is so demanding that it takes away from their ability to meet their partner’s needs. This inevitably creates a disconnect between the partners, leading to distance, unfulfillment, and resentment.
“More young professionals report feeling emotionally drained not just from work but from their partners,” said Dan Bruce, career expert at Pressreacher. “When your physical and mental well-being is constantly being spent on work demands, there’s only a small amount of time for your relationships.”
The Impacts of Career Burnout on Relationships
If you’re not careful, your career burnout can negatively impact—or even destroy—your romantic relationship. Here are some consequences of burnout when it comes to dating.
Emotional Detachment
It’s difficult to feel connected to your partner when you’re constantly stressing about your job or tending to work responsibilities.
According to Bruce, “Workers say they are feeling ‘numb’ or ‘checked out’ both at work and home.” Of course, this inevitably bleeds into relationships.
Conflict Avoidance
I don’t know about you, but the last thing I want to do after a long day at work is argue with my partner. However, conflict resolution is essential to any healthy relationship, and fights are bound to happen from time to time. If you become so burnt out that you avoid conflict altogether, allowing tension to build and resentment to stew, you’re basically admitting defeat as a couple.
“Instead of arguing, couples grow apart and become distant as they are too tired to argue,” said Bruce.
Guilt and Self-Blame
No one wants to neglect their partner, but burnout can make it feel impossible to show up the way you want to in your relationship. Your emotional exhaustion is valid—and it’s not all in your head. However, constantly falling short of your partner’s expectations can trigger guilt, shame, and self-blame.
Loss of Intimacy
Oftentimes, exhaustion leads to a lack of intimacy in relationships. By the end of the day, you might feel too tired to even have a productive conversation with your partner, much less perform in the bedroom. Naturally, this can create a disconnect and unmet needs in a relationship.
Managing Career Burnout
According to Bruce, here are some ways to address career burnout—so it won’t end up costing you your lover.
Redefine Success
Many people believe success is about money and status, but it extends far beyond those superficial achievements.
“Your career shouldn’t come between your connections,” said Bruce. “Success isn’t just about performance reviews; it’s also about emotional well-being.”
Perhaps success to you looks like a healthy relationship and a balanced, fulfilling personal life. I’d take that over a demanding career any day.
Set ‘Career Off Hours’
Like with most issues in life, the solution often involves setting healthy boundaries.
“Protect your relationship the same way you would commit to and protect your deadlines or targets,” said Bruce. “Have certain evenings that are phone-free, including meals, and set boundaries for weekend work too.”
Communicate Your Capacity
Look, I get it: even if you don’t want to prioritize your career over your connections, sometimes, you don’t have a choice. In today’s economy, many of us are forced to work far harder for far less, fighting for stability. In this case, communication is everything.
“If you are feeling exhausted and drained, let your partner know why,” said Bruce. “Burnout can come across like rejection if you don’t explain it.”
Build Recovery into Your Routine
Rest is not a luxury or reward—it is a basic need that many of us neglect. Don’t let society make you believe you need to earn recovery. Carve out time for relaxation, or your body will force you to slow down in more critical ways.
Know When to Step Back
Just as you should communicate with your partner, do the same with your manager, too.
“If your job is taking up more than you can give, physically and mentally, it might be time to speak to a manager and look into more flexible hours,” said Bruce.
No job is worth your mental health and well-being.
Reconnect with Purpose
Search for small yet meaningful ways to connect with your partner. Simply being in the same room does not count as quality time. You don’t need to blow $100 on a nice dinner, but you should find time when you’re fully present and in tune with your lover.
The post Your Job Is Destroying Your Love Life appeared first on VICE.
