As we get older, many of us outgrow certain friendships. It’s all a natural part of aging and maturing, as our values and priorities tend to change depending on where we are in life. Oftentimes, it’s not a matter of right or wrong but rather mere incompatibility.
“As our lives get busier and our worries rack up, the constant conversations of youth slowly become occasional check-ins,” said Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, and resident expert at Dating.com. “Over time, our friends become acquaintances, but deep down, we crave the meaningful connections we’ve lost along the way.”
However, just because these shifts happen doesn’t mean you can’t mend a broken friendship or sustain a lifelong one.
If you’re looking to salvage your relationship with an old friend, you’re not alone. Here are six ways to revive a dying friendship.
1. Swap Stories, Not Updates
Keeping in touch with old friends shouldn’t feel forced, but sometimes, we fall into the monotonous routine of “How have you been?” and “How’s work/life/your relationship?” etc.
However, instead of asking these surface-level questions that usually receive surface-level responses, try digging a bit deeper. Bronstein recommended asking questions such as, “What’s the most interesting thing that happened at work this week?” and “What’s your take on…?”
She noted that stories and perspectives invite actual connection and conversation.
2. Share Random Thoughts in Real Time
Many people wait to text their friends when they’re less busy or have actual time to catch up, then later forget to do so. Not only can this create a disconnect, but it can also add more pressure on you to schedule a long catch-up conversation the next time you’re both free.
“Don’t always wait for scheduled catch-ups,” said Bronstein. “Sharing short voice notes throughout the week, showing you’re willing to do more than the minimum to keep the conversation going.”
“That article, podcast, or meme that reminds you of them? Let them know,” she continued. “Small gestures can make all the difference in maintaining relationships.”
3. Change Up Your Communication
Instead of only speaking via texts or Instagram DMs and waiting for your next hangout to chat, try to switch up your communication each week.
“Stick to voice notes this week, and only trade photos next,” Bronstein advised. “It breaks up the routine, keeps conversations fresh, and makes you think before you hit send.”
4. Reminisce Together
Ahhh, the power of sentimental memories.
“Nostalgia has a way of bringing us closer together, so blow the dust off your old photos or laugh over an inside joke your mind still holds on to,” Bronstein said. “People love receiving old pictures, especially when they’re unexpected. Life can be stressful and feel heavy sometimes, so this is a way to brighten someone’s day.”
Though we’re both 30 years old and wildly busy, my high-school-friend-turned-college-roommate and I still send each other old photos when we miss each other. It reminds us how strong our connection was and still is—even if our hangouts are more dispersed than we’d like them to be.
5. Create Connecting Points
Odds are, if you’re friends with someone, you at least share some mutual interests—even those childhood friends who simply stuck around because they hold merit. For example, my best friend since age six and I could not be any different. In fact, I think we’re the classic case of “opposites attract.” Still, we’re able to bond over our shared love for romance novels.
“That passion you both share? Create a new chat where that’s all you can talk about,” said Bronstein. “It will serve as a constant reminder of why you connected in the first place.”
6. Start a Digital Ritual
Having something to look forward to each week can help strengthen the bond you share with your friends. Of course, you get to set the frequency and tone of these rituals, agreeing on a commitment that won’t overwhelm either of you and your busy schedules.
“Schedule a weekly catch-up time to share your wins and worries. Then follow up with a ‘what I’m looking forward to’ message on Sunday evening,” Bronstein recommended. “If you can keep it consistent, communication will never be lost.”
The post 6 Ways To Revive a Dying Friendship appeared first on VICE.
