I moved home after a breakup and felt like a failure. Joining a gym helped me find my partner and make close friends.

• Katie McDonald, 29, broke up with her ex when she was 22 and moved back in with her parents.
• She joined David Lloyd, a luxury athletic club in the UK, with the money she was saving by living at home.
• She said learning to love working out helped build her confidence.

This as-told-to story is based on a conversation with Katie McDonald, an SEO specialist based in the UK who writes the running blog LifeOfAMissfit.com. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

Three months after moving in with my ex, I was moving out.

It was 2019. I was only 22, but ending a nine-month relationship and moving back in with my parents felt like I’d failed in some way. I compared myself to my brother, who was two years younger and had already bought a house with his girlfriend. Even though I knew living with my parents and saving money was the right thing to do, it was a huge challenge to accept this new chapter in my life.

I thought about treating myself while I processed the breakup. Because I was only paying my parents a little for “rent” and covering a few other expenses on my below-£30,000 ($40,000) salary as a junior content executive, I could afford to spend £96 a month ($130) to join David Lloyd, a luxury gym two minutes away from my home.

It took time to get comfortable at the gym on my own, or even find what I liked. As I showed up more and more, I fell in love with working out, particularly running and yoga. Exercising — in a way that felt good to me — completely rewired my mind to be kinder to myself and far happier, leading me to my new partner and many new friends.

I had a complicated relationship with the gym

When I was with my ex, I didn’t enjoy going to the gym. I always felt like I wasn’t strong or fit enough when I used the weight machines or ran home with him.

This routine made me continually question my self-worth. Why wasn’t I more sculpted? Was there something wrong with me that I didn’t like taking gym selfies? Everything made me feel like I wasn’t enough.

I didn’t feel secure in other aspects of my life, either. I was just starting out in my career and felt unsure of myself. I also didn’t have many friends. I struggled with social events through my early 20s and I was nervous about approaching new people — doubly so because I don’t drink alcohol. I don’t like the taste or how it makes me feel, so I couldn’t rely on drinking for a quick confidence boost.

The gym was my post-breakup third space

I will never forget the day my parents, who seemed to understand that something was off, offered to pick me up from work and take me home after my ex and I broke up. Everything changed. I moved out that same day.

Despite having a very strong relationship with my parents, I wanted a space of my own. I joined the nearby David Lloyd, a nice treat compared to the cheaper gym I used to pay for when I lived with my ex. I was excited to restart my relationship with the gym and saw it as a sanctuary.

I started going three or four times a week, sometimes even twice a day. Post-breakup, taking different classes helped me build up my self-love and confidence in multiple ways. I marveled at how my body changed from strength training a few times a week. Dance classes taught me to feel more in tune with myself and shake off negative thoughts, while Pilates and yoga helped me tap into my inner calm and become more flexible.

Sometimes, I’d take one of my parents or a friend as a guest, socializing in the gym’s other facilities like the sauna or coffee shop. Socially, the gym helped me get better at showing up on my own, too. Just entering a yoga class by myself taught me to value who I was on my own. Soon, I started cracking jokes and met one of my very close friends.

In addition to going to therapy, the months I spent at David Lloyd completely changed my personality. I see that period in my life as the start of freedom and my new identity.

Going to the gym improved my mental health, and I found my people

About six months into joining David Lloyd, I felt a huge difference in my mental health. I still didn’t know exactly what my goals or dreams were, but I knew I wanted choices. I started saving more money, setting up a Lifetime ISA (an individual savings account).

As much as I loved the gym, I began wondering where that monthly £96 could go instead. I wanted to prioritize more trips with my family and friends or put the money toward the running blog I started. I quit the gym, switching to outdoor runs instead.

My social life transformed as well. About three years after quitting David Lloyd, I met my partner on Bumble. We just bought our first home together.

I also met multiple very close friends at hen parties where I didn’t know anyone. I still vividly remember my boyfriend picking me up from one of those nights. I cried such happy, proud tears because I would never have had the confidence to easily talk to new people like that years ago.

Since rediscovering working out on my own terms, I’ve never felt an urge to post a photo of how “ripped” I look online. My social media accounts are more about encouraging others to run at the pace that feels right for them.

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