My 11-year-old wanted to ride his bike alone. It took bravery from both of us.

• My son has been riding his bike for four years.
• As his confidence has grown, he’s started asking to ride alone in our neighborhood.
• I wasn’t sure if he was ready, but we gave it a shot anyway.

My 11-year-old son started riding a bicycle about four years ago. When he really became a confident rider last year, he started begging me to ride his bike alone in our neighborhood. He has grown up watching shows like Stranger Things, where kids his age ride their bikes all over town, but I try to explain that’s just a show.

And while I grew up in Miami riding my bike in my neighborhood alone or with friends, things changed over time, and the city became more populated as I got older. With so much traffic, it felt less safe to ride a bike, even in your own neighborhood.

Now, we live in a smaller town on the Space Coast of Florida, so our neighborhood doesn’t have a ton of cars always coming through. But you still need to be defensive around drivers, and for a long time, I really didn’t think my son was aware enough of his surroundings.

He had to prove he was responsible enough to ride his bike alone

When we took bike rides together, I would wait to see if he noticed a car backing up ahead or coming up behind us. But I could see that he wasn’t paying attention and would have to tell him to stop or move out of the way.

I gave him the chance to prove he could be safe by walking behind him while he rode his bike up ahead of me. I had told him beforehand that I wanted him to start looking out for cars on his own, and that I wouldn’t warn him if I saw a car coming, but of course I knew I would.

This went on for months, and although I did have to intervene periodically, he seemed to be grasping the idea that he needed to look out for himself. I realized that the only way he would really learn how to do that was to let him try it on his own.

We made a plan and gave it a try

Together, we agreed on a plan that made us both comfortable. I knew it took four minutes to ride our bikes around the neighborhood, which is about a half-mile loop. I told him I thought he was ready, but that I would wait for him in the driveway and time him.

When I suggested timing him, I wondered if I was being overprotective, but then I saw that the idea comforted him. He knew that if he wasn’t back in four minutes that I would come find him. I think that gave him the feeling of a safety net.

I knew I needed to let him stretch his wings, but those were the longest four minutes of my life! I could see into the future and how tough it was going to be to watch him drive away one day. When he made it back home, I thought I’d be the only one who was relieved, but I could see how brave it was for him to go on his own.

His pride made me feel like I had done the right thing

He proceeded to go around the block a few more times on his own; each time, his confidence grew, and my anxiety eased. We did the same routine a few times over the summer, but I think he realized it’s actually not all that great riding alone.

I’m not sure whether it’s having company or if he feels a little safer, but he still asks either my husband or me to go on bike rides with him. He has asked me if I’d let him ride his bike to and from school if we lived closer to it. I’ve said, “Sure,” but there would be rules, such as going straight home and keeping in touch with me.

For now, I think his knowing that I’ll let him try something when he’s ready has been enough for him. In riding his bike alone, I think he realized he might not be ready for total independence. And I also realized that we’ll both be fine when he is.

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