One of the worst things that can happen while you’re chilling in your local bar, having a nice drink, is some douchebag playing the absolutely worst, energy-killing song on the TouchTunes.
I don’t even mean like “Baby Shark” or getting Rickrolled. I mean, a song that just does not mesh with the vibe and ruins it. To be fair, it’s not that it’s even a bad song, necessarily, just that it’s out of place in this setting, so it makes things feel disjointed. A few songs that might meet this criteria are…
“Blue (Da Ba Dee)” – Eiffel 65
Look, I get it, the nostalgia around “Blue” is strong, and it can be fun to hear at a sports event or something like that, but when you’re sitting in a bar, nursing a beer, and this comes on right after “Free Fallin’,” it just kills the mood. Don’t do it.
“All Summer Long” – Kid Rock
Kid Rock is a musical snake-oil salesman. This song is actually garbage, and the only one I have a strong opinion about. It bastardizes “Sweet Home Alabama” by Lynyrd Skynyrd and “Werewolves of London” by Warren Zevon into a pathetic attempt at pandering. Maybe I’m just being personal cause I can’t stand the fuckin guy, but this song has never enhanced a bar vibe.
(I’m not including a YouTube link to his song because I don’t want to give him the extra clicks.)
“Crocodile Rock” – Elton John
Elton John and Bernie Taupin are probably the greatest songwriting team of all time. Together, they’ve crafted numerous #1 singles and made some of the most iconic music ever committed to recording.
That said… There are way better Elton John songs to play in a bar than “Crocodile Rock.” For example: “Rocket Man,” “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting,” “Bennie and the Jets,” “The Bitch Is Back,” etc. Hell, even “Tiny Dancer” or “Your Song” would be better. Choose wisely.
“My Shot” or Literally Anything from Hamilton
I don’t hate Hamilton. I really don’t. I was actually the first person in my family to jump on the bandwagon. I discovered the original Broadway cast recording shortly after it was released and spent an entire listening to it while cleaning, growing more and more enthralled and pleading with my family to listen to it.
However, these songs just do not belong in a bar. It’s so fucking cringe. Please, don’t be that guy.
“Rock Lobster” – The B-52’s
Story time!
So, over the weekend, my wife and I walked up to our corner bar, like ya do, to hang out and have a drink. At some point, we stepped into the e-slots room to gamble away, like, $60. One of the games has “Rock Lobster” as the music, and someone pointed out that the song had been playing on the speakers in the bar.
When we stepped back out, we learned that someone (or someones) had been playing “Rock Lobster” over and over, and paying to have it skip to the front of the line. Honestly, it was pretty hilarious at first, but the bartenders were miserable, and whereas we could just leave, they were stuck with it.
So, for that reason, please don’t play “Rock Lobster” on repeat through your local bar TouchTunes. Or you might get banned… (and shoutout to Tristan, Caitlin, Sarah, and the whole Eugene O Bar crew! You guys put up with a lot and you’re always cool!)
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