Dating has become a dreadful activity for many people. Between the non-committal types and the love bombers who want to rush into a relationship, there are various “extremes” in the dating scene, most stemming from fear. And while we can empathize with both the avoidants and the anxious, it’s also crucial to set some boundaries as a form of self-protection.
Enter…the slow dating trend.
“Slow dating, in its truest form, isn’t about how long it takes,” wrote Candis Williams, life coach for modern women and founder of The Slow Year. “It’s about how present you are.”
Intrigued? Keep reading to learn more about how to embrace the slow dating trend—so you can be more grounded in your own dating life.
What Is Slow Dating?
According to Candis Williams, who embarked on a year-long journey of slow dating, this trend essentially describes being present in your dating life. Rather than forcing a connection or attempting to have complete certainty upfront, you’re allowing relationships to build and unfold naturally.
As Williams clarified on her website, slow dating isn’t about swearing off dating and commitment for months on end or setting strict rules about intimacy.
“Instead, it’s showing up from a place of wholeness,” she wrote. “It’s being able to enjoy the experience for what it is, even if it never leads to a label or a second date, even if it’s awkward, imperfect, or short-lived. And even if all you gain is insight.”
Jemma Ahmed, head of insights at Bumble, also spoke about slow dating during the COVID-19 pandemic, when we were all forced to sit with ourselves for quite some time.
“People are starting to get to know themselves a lot more,” she said at the time. “And as a result, they’re taking the time to figure out who is and isn’t right for them.”
By choosing slow dating, you’re allowing yourself to fully experience connections before deciding whether a relationship is aligned with you, your wants, and your needs. You’re not forcing anything—you’re simply letting it be.
The Principles of Slow Dating
On her website, Williams outlined five main principles of slow dating:
- Anchored Over Attached: Basically, this means grounding yourself in your own peace rather than defining yourself through a relationship. This allows more authentic connections to form.
- Curiosity Over Conquest: When dating, you’re getting to know other humans, not trying to force a future with them. Get curious about their passions and what makes them tick! Dating doesn’t have to be so serious.
- Presence Over Permanence: In other words, try to value the present moment over the idea of or hope for the future. That doesn’t mean neglecting your life goals or downplaying your needs; rather, it’s about letting relationships build naturally without the need for certainty or rushing.
- Freedom Over Force: Rather than trying to control a relationship outcome or pressuring your crush into committing to you, you’re gifting them the freedom to show up as they are. If you’re not aligned, you, too, have the freedom to move on.
- Respect Over Resentment: Dating requires respecting people as they are rather than resenting them for who they aren’t. When things don’t work out, you must learn to let go with grace.
If we could all approach dating with these values in mind, we would likely reap better results. However, our nervous systems, insecurities, wounds, and desires often get in the way. We are only human, after all.
But if you can refer back to these principles whenever you hit a wall in dating, it might lessen the pressure and ease the experience.
According to Ahmed, slow daters are “making deeper and more meaningful connections, and they’re more willing to go beyond that surface level to really try and get to know someone.”
For once, it seems we’ve found a positive dating trend.
The post Slow Dating is Trendy Again. Is It Right for You? appeared first on VICE.
