Tetra Images/Getty Images/Tetra images RF
- Dyan Hes is a pediatrician and mom of two kids, ages 19 and 21.
- She often sees kids who have activities every day of the week.
- Parents should allow kids to quit activities and build in downtime, she says.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Dr. Dyan Hes, medical director of Highline Modern Medicine. It has been edited for length and clarity.
When my children were younger, their favorite book was “The Busy Life of Ernestine Buckmeister.” It’s about a girl who is — you guessed it — too busy. All she really wants to do is play with her neighbor, who gets to kick a soccer ball around after school.
In my New York City pediatrics practice, I see a lot of kids who could be Ernestine. It’s not just a problem of the wealthy — it cuts across socioeconomic status. Kids are over-scheduled; they don’t have enough time for relaxation, imaginative play, or sleep. I’ve seen a massive uptick in kids taking melatonin, and I think it’s because they don’t have time to unwind before bed.
Courtesy of Dyan Hes
Here’s how parents can fight back, even in a society that’s normalized over-scheduling.
Be realistic about your child’s extracurriculars
I’ve been a pediatrician for more than 20 years, and I hear from lots of parents who think their child is going to get a college scholarship for sports. I know of about three students who actually have.
And still, there are tons of pressures on kids. I have patients who get up at 5 a.m. for violin lessons or swim practice before school. Everything is a plan to get into college. But ultimately, it just stresses kids out without producing the results parents are after.
Don’t compare
Parents love to show off their kids on social media, which can compound overscheduling. If you see your friend’s child playing in competitive soccer or chess tournaments, you might be tempted to sign up.
But the activities your child does should have nothing to do with others. They should be things that bring your child joy.
Allow your kids to say no
When my daughter was 4, I took her to dance class. She told me she never wanted to go back. She always enjoyed ball sports much more.
Keep an open dialogue with your kids, so that they’re comfortable telling you when they want to quit an activity. Emphasize that they don’t disappoint you, since many kids are worried about letting their parents down. And remember — it is entirely OK to do an activity that they’re not the best at, just for fun.
Take at least one night off
In my family, Friday nights were free nights. That was non-negotiable. It’s important that families have space and time to unwind together.
Another rule of thumb: limit extracurricular activities to one or two at a time. If your child has an activity every night after school, they’re overbooked.
Choose after-school activities that are less structured
Many parents need their kids to be in activities because of their own busy schedules. If that’s the case, try to choose after-school programs that are less structured than formal classes. Programs at the Y or the Boys and Girls Club are great examples. There, kids are free to draw, shoot hoops, or socialize, without worrying about their performance.
Ditch the sports or screens dichotomy
It’s great that kids are so active these days. But some parents get the idea that if their kids aren’t playing sports, they’ll spend too much time on screens.
Encourage free time and relaxation that isn’t screen-based. Kids can draw, read, or play outside.
Managing a schedule is part of caring for your kids’ health. If they’re stressed, overtired, or just not having fun, it’s time to cut back.
Read the original article on Business Insider
The post I’m a pediatrician and mom of 2. If your child has an activity every night after school, they’re overbooked. appeared first on Business Insider.
