Everywhere we look—on cable news, on social media, in our own backyards—people are in full-blown freak-out mode. We rage at TV talking heads, spiral into despair over current events that may or may not actually take place, and we lash out at loved ones as a result.
Yes, there are real problems in the world which warrant our attention—and may rationally illicit feelings of anger or anxiety.
But here’s the truth: While we can’t always control what happens, we can decide how we respond to it. And that, in turn, changes everything.
I believe we are facing an overreaction epidemic, and in order to address it we must first acknowledge that the problem isn’t our emotions—it’s how we deal with them. Instead of regulating, we react. Instead of pausing, we pounce. Instead of processing, we panic. And in the process, we make life harder for ourselves and everyone around us.
I study this for a living. As the director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, I’ve spent decades researching why some people handle life’s chaos with grace while others unravel. The difference isn’t that calm people have easier lives. It’s that they’ve learned how to deal with their feelings.
It’s called “emotion regulation,” and it’s not an innate character trait, it’s a skill—and one that we can learn.
If you feel like the world is conspiring to drive you crazy, try these strategies before you let another headline, social media post, or family dinner sends you over the edge:
Monitor your news and social media diet
It should come as no surprise that binge-watching the news or binge-scrolling on social media can be triggering: It’s designed to be addicting. Fear and outrage fuel clicks, and clicks drive profits. The more activated you are, the longer you stay tuned in, and the worse you wind up feeling.
The solution is to set limits. Check cable news or social media just once or twice a day. Follow credible sources which are driven more by proven facts than by alarming headlines. And remember: If it’s really important, you’ll hear about it, and if it’s not, it won’t matter.
Recognize what is in your control
A big reason people spiral into anxiety or anger is the illusion that they’re losing control. A key to combatting this feeling is to recognize what’s in your control—and what isn’t.
If you can do something about a situation, great—do it. But if you can’t, work on shifting your focus. Perhaps there’s something you can do that might have some effect, even if you can’t fix the problem single-handedly.
A simple way to check? Ask yourself: Is this my problem to solve? If not, let it go.
Take a breath
When we’re upset, our nervous systems react before our brains catch up. Our hearts race, our muscles tense, and we’re primed to explode. That’s the signal to take a deep breath or two. Slowing down your breathing tells your nervous system: Stand down until you come up with a sensible response.
Try this: Inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for six. Do that three times before reacting. You’ll feel the difference.
Name what you’re feeling
Saying “I’m pissed off!” isn’t specific enough to know what you’re really experiencing. Are you frustrated? Disappointed? Betrayed? Annoyed? Research shows that people who can accurately label their emotions are better at managing them.
So next time you’re about to lose it, pause and name that feeling. It might just stop you from sending a regrettable text or flipping off that driver.
Change the way you think about the situation
Once you’ve calmed down enough to think clearly and labeled the feeling, it’s time for a cognitive reset. Enter reappraisal—a science-backed strategy that helps you rethink a situation in a way that changes its emotional impact.
Instead of seeing a setback as a disaster, can you view it as a challenge? Instead of assuming someone is out to get you, could you consider that they just had a bad day?
Research shows that people who regularly reappraise their emotions tend to experience less stress and anxiety, have better relationships, and even enjoy better physical health.
This mental shift doesn’t happen instantly—that’s why the breathwork comes first. But once your initial emotional reaction settles, reappraisal can help you move forward in a more productive, less reactive way.
Do something you enjoy
If your emotional state is teetering on the edge of meltdown, here’s a radical idea: take a break. Get outside. Play a game. Listen to music. Watch a comedy special. Call a friend who makes you laugh. Go for a walk—or, if you’re like me, make someone a cup of coffee.
This isn’t about avoidance, it’s about giving your brain and body a chance to reset. Research shows that engaging in activities we enjoy—especially ones that get us moving or make us laugh—helps break the cycle of stress and anxiety.
So if your knee-jerk reaction is to doomscroll for another hour, resist the urge. Do something fun in the real world instead. You’ll come back with a clearer mind and a more balanced perspective.
Lean on people
Another step you can take is to reach out for support from others—and not just from those who agree with you)
In times of stress, we tend to retreat into echo chambers. We rant to people who think like us and block the rest. But surrounding yourself with emotional clones won’t build resilience—it’ll just reinforce your stress. Instead, seek out diverse perspectives. Connect with people who challenge you but also respect you. Disagreement isn’t dangerous. Isolation is.
Emotion regulation doesn’t mean rolling over, looking the other way, staying silent, or pretending everything is fine when it isn’t. It’s about self-preservation—making sure your anger, frustration, or sadness fuels action that actually makes a difference rather than just burning you out. And let’s be honest: Wouldn’t life be better if we all stopped making each other’s bad moods worse?
Ask yourself: Can I see this differently? What can I do that’s helpful? Then, choose wisely. Your future self (and everyone around you) will thank you.
These views are solely those of the author and not those of the Yale School of Medicine.
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