Courtesy of Cheryl Maguire
- My daughter is studying abroad in Rome this semester, and I’m very anxious.
- I keep imagining her running into an Amanda Knox scenario, and I can’t get to her.
- I’m still adjusting to the time difference and reminding myself that this anxiety is normal.
My 20-year-old daughter is studying abroad in Rome. It’s an eight-and-a-half-hour direct flight from where we live. (That’s really far away!).
Since she left two weeks ago, I have asked myself multiple times, “Why did I let her go?”
My anxiety wasn’t helped by the fact that “The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox” debuted on Hulu just a few days before her departure. It’s a true story about an American student studying abroad in Italy (yes, in Rome) who was falsely accused of murdering her roommate.
Since my daughter left the US, I have checked flights to Rome multiple times, imagining heroic rescue missions, but the sky-high price has kept me grounded (pun intended).
When I saw a photo from her orientation, I was able to calm down a little. It looked more like a wedding reception by a lake than a lecture hall, and I realized she was having an incredible once-in-a-lifetime experience.
In that moment, I knew letting her go was the right choice, even if I’m struggling.
This feels harder than college drop-off
One of the reasons I thought I could handle her studying abroad is because I’m already used to her being away at Fordham University in New York City, about a four-hour car ride from home.
She usually only comes back for holidays like Thanksgiving or school breaks, so I assumed I’d be fine with the distance.
But I didn’t factor in how different it would feel with her in a foreign country where she doesn’t speak the language, with a six-hour time difference (almost half a day), and the reality that I can’t easily get to her if she needs me.
I had to find ways to calm my nerves while she’s away for this semester.
The time zone difference is making this all more difficult
Her day in Italy is winding down while mine is only half begun, which makes it tricky to find a good time to check in.
Courtesy of Cheryl Maguire
When she was at college in the same time zone, she usually FaceTimed me after dinner. Now, we both keep forgetting each other’s time. On a recent call, when I told her I had just eaten lunch, she laughed and said, “Oh, I forgot you haven’t finished your day yet.”
To help myself adjust, I started using the “World Clock” app on my phone. I put Rome at the top of the list so I can see her local time at a glance instead of doing mental math every time I want to know where she is in her day or if it’s a good time to call her.
I’m reminding myself that my anxiety is normal
Before she left, I ignored an email from her study abroad office because I was in denial that she was actually going. When I finally opened it, the email was so long it felt more like a novella than a simple guide to coping with the distance.
As I read, I came across the “Stages of Transition” and realized I could relate to the “Gray Zone,” the stage when students first arrive and face normal challenges adjusting to a foreign country. I then realized that my time zone checking, constant worrying, and dreams about booking a heroic rescue mission were normal. Well, maybe not the rescue mission, but I didn’t actually buy the ticket, so I’m sort of normal (although my daughter might disagree).
While I was writing this essay, another email arrived from the study abroad office. This one assured me that, unlike Knox, students in their program not only return home safely but also come back more mature, open-minded, and with new personal and professional goals.
At this point, I’ll be happy if she simply returns home in one piece. Any personal growth is a bonus. While we’re on the topic of things she could bring back from Rome, I wouldn’t mind a Valentino dress. But if that’s too much to ask for, an Italian cannoli will suffice.
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