Lopez: If he ever gets his job back, I have just the hat for Jimmy Kimmel, thanks to Trump

These are dark times, the average cynic might argue.

But do not despair.

If you focus on the positive, rather than the negative, you’ll have to agree that the United States of America is on top and still climbing.

Yes, protesters gathered Thursday outside “Jimmy Kimmel Live” in Hollywood to denounce ABC’s suspension of the host and President Trump’s threat to revoke licenses from networks that criticize him, despite repeated vows by Trump and top deputies to defend free speech.

You can call it hypocrisy.

I call it moxie.

And by the way, demonstrators were not arrested or deported, and the National Guard was not summoned (as far as I know).

Do you see what I mean? Just tilt your head back a bit, and you can see sunshine breaking through the clouds.

Let’s take the president’s complaint that he read “someplace” that the networks “were 97% against me.” Some might see weakness in that, or thin skin. Others might wonder where the “someplace” was that the president discovered his TV news favorability rating stands at 3%, given that he could get caught drowning puppies and cheating at golf and still get fawning coverage from at least one major network.

But Trump had good reason to be grumpy. He was returning from a news conference in London, where he confused Albania and Armenia and fumbled the pronunciation of Azerbaijan, which sounded a bit more like Abracadabra.

It’s not his fault all those countries all start with an A. And isn’t there a geography lesson in it for all of us, if not a history lesson?

We move on now to American healthcare, and the many promising developments under way in the nation’s capital, thanks to Trump’s inspired choice of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as chief of the Department of Health and Human Services.

Those who see the glass half empty would argue that Kennedy has turned the department into a morgue, attempting to kill COVID-19 vaccine research, espousing backwater views about measles, firing public health experts, demoralizing the remaining staff and rejecting decades worth of biomedical advances despite having no medical training or expertise.

But on the plus side, Kennedy is going after food dyes.

It’s about time, and thank you very much.

I’m not sure what else will be left in a box of Trix or Lucky Charms when food coloring is removed, but I am opposed to fake food coloring, unless it’s in a cocktail, and I’d like to think most Americans are with me on this.

Also on the bright side: Kennedy is encouraging Americans to do chin-ups and pushups for better health.

Are you going to sit on the radical left side of your sofa and gripe about what’s happened to your country, or get with the program and try to do a few pushups?

OK, so Trump’s efforts to shut down the war on cancer is a little scary. As the New York Times reported, on the chopping block is development of a new technique for colorectal cancer prevention, research into immunotherapy cancer prevention, a study on improving childhood cancer survival rates, and better analysis of pre-malignant breast tissue in high-risk women.

But that could all be fake news, or 97% of it, at least. And if it’s not?

All that research and all those doctors and scientists can apply for jobs in other countries, just like all the climate scientists whose work is no longer a national priority. The more who leave, the better, because the brain drain is going to free up a lot of real estate and help solve the housing crisis.

Thank you, President Trump.

Is it any wonder that Trump has been seen recently wearing a MAGA-red hat that says “TRUMP WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING!”

Well, mostly everything.

Climate change appears to be real.

The war in Ukraine didn’t end as promised.

The war in the Middle East is still raging.

Grocery prices did not go down on day one, and some goods cost more because of tariffs.

As for the promise of a new age of American prosperity, there’s no rainbow in sight yet, although there is a pot of gold in the White House, with estimates of billions in profits for Trump family businesses since he took office,

But for all of that, along with an approval rating that has dropped since he took office in January, Trump exudes confidence. So much so that he proudly wears that bright red hat, which he was giving out in the Oval office, and which retails for $25.

It’s another ingenious economic stimulation plan.

And there’s an important lesson here for all of us.

Never admit defeat, and when things don’t go your way, stand tall, adjust your hat, and find someone to blame.

We should all have our own hats made.

Doctors could wear hats saying they’ve never gotten a diagnosis wrong.

Dentists could wear hats saying they’ve never pulled the wrong tooth.

TV meteorologists could wear hats saying — well, maybe not — that they’ve gotten every forecast right.

I’m having hats made as you read this.

LOPEZ IS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING!

Please don’t have me fired, Mr. President, if you disagree.

As for Jimmy Kimmel, I’m offering this idea free of charge:

If you ever get your job back, you, your sidekick Guillermo, and the entire studio audience should be wearing hats.