Life is all about finding connection, and what better way to do that than through idle gossip? It’s a time-old tradition that never goes out of style, whether frumping around castles in a corset or slopping up drunken pizza at Chateau Dubrow.
Of course, the beauty of the real world is that gossip falls by the wayside the second the conversation ends. The Real Housewives of Orange County, for all intents and purposes, is not the real world. It’s the Bravoverse, where every little thing you say can—and will—be aired for all to see. At some point these ladies just might learn that, though God willing they never do.
Gretchen Rossi spent a decade of her life off TV, and in that time she found a devotion to dressing like a Dallas character while forgetting the power of words. If you tell your cast members that you went to the hospital after an infamous on-camera incident, it’s going to come up when cameras pick up. And if you tell Emily Simpson and Heather Dubrow that Tamra Judge had an affair with a [redacted] music star, it’s going to find its way right back to her. But Gretchen knows that, even if she likes to practice naivete.
Split between two trips, the differences in Gretchen and Tamra have become abundantly clear, and it goes far beyond their Barbie silhouettes. It turns out The Real Housewives of Orange County are dysfunctional in all settings, no matter how small the group.
Over in Temecula, a forced bonding trip between Tamra and her long-standing frenemies has divided the women even further. It turns out that an overly nice Tamra is her least effective setting, as Shannon simply refuses to take her sugary attitude at face value. Shannon, I gave you the best room! Shannon, I haven’t called you an alcoholic all trip! Shannon, Shannon, Shannon! Do you love me yet!? What does Tamra have to do, drive into a house to profess her love?
Shannon has nothing left to give Tamra except pleasantries, and the longest-running Housewife running her oldest trick in the book is simply not going to cut it. The nice version of Tamra still says things like, “I know that’s her love language, going and having a cocktail,” so it’s safe to say Shannon is right to steer clear.
Even as Tamra tries to stir drama between Gina and Shannon, Ms. Storms simply drops it, recognizing that there are much bigger fish to fry. Okay, sure, Gina said she’s worried about Shannon, but that actually is Shannon’s love language. She loves to talk about her life with her friends. That’s what all those 3 am phone calls are all about.
Still, Tamra refuses to relent, forcing the ladies into some oversized T-shirt bikinis and swim hats, as Shannon’s other love language is performance art. She loves a costume, like when she dressed up as “Fun Shannon” for the entirety of Season 14.
Tamra, for her part, is dressing up as an unbothered New Yorker who loves all her castmates. She “wants to change, but she’s not there yet” after just 10 minutes of therapy, Dr. Gina Kirschenheiter M.D. deduces. Maybe she does want to change. Maybe the creator of the hostile Housewives model wants to lead with love going forward, but consider me skeptical.
As her latest statement cap says, she doesn’t cook, but she does like to stir the pot. Last week, she wore a Charli XCX “Von Dutch” hat, which makes sense given Tamra might just be the OG Brat. Asking for a divorce on camera in the back of a taxi? Very, very Brat. Refusing to accept Shannon Beador hates you? Delusional, which is in and of itself, very Brat.
Tamra has learned a lot from her podcast partner, as she has become quite a tactful little gnat. Everywhere Shannon goes, there’s Tamra, buzzing all around. Maybe her mindset is “What if I drive Shannon so mad she binge-drinks and drives into another house, and I don’t even look like the villain?” You may think I’m overthinking, but this is the woman who befriended Gretchen to tick off Vicki and isolate Alexis, all in a grand scheme to leave Gretchen on an island of her own the second Tamra turns.
Some women join these shows to seek fame, others look to find friendship. Tamra’s simply here for the strategy, as Emily notes at dinner with Heather and Gretchen in Beverly Hills.
Here, Heather opens up about her childhood, having had a father who lacked emotional regulation and was prone to outbursts. That volatility reminds her of Tamra, a comparison the Judge was less than happy to receive, for some reason. Gretchen, on the other hand, finds this really exciting. Please, tell us more about your evil, awful father who apparently is just like Tamra!
“Oh, thank you for asking,” Heather responds, cementing the two as besties. And best friends tell each other all their juiciest secrets, so after dancing the night away at Hollywood’s premier gay club The Abbey, a high-on-life Gretchen starts gossiping. Allegedly, a decade before, Tamra tried her hand at a Housewives singing career, but all she found was an affair partner.
This juicy tidbit has, apparently, remained in Gretchen’s arsenal for upwards of a decade, even as she returned to the show for a cameo to spew Eddie Judge gay rumors. Of course, it all comes from everyone’s favorite Housewives hanger-on, Slade Smiley, who claims he was sent audio of Tamra’s extracurricular affairs. Another day, another storyline perpetuated by Slade, the true OG of the OC, who apparently pays for nothing in his non-marital home with Gretchen! How progressive of her.
Of course, Gretchen never meant for this info to get out and would be absolutely mortified if it found its way back to Tamra, she says as 15 cameras and a crew stare straight at her. You see, if you simply pretend you don’t like to spread rumors, you can get away with any gossip you want. At least that’s the idea.
Tamra, too, tries to live by that method. After a weekend shoved firmly up Shannon’s butt, she’s grown well-acquainted with the area. Tamra even feels like family. That’s why she feels it’s her place to share something Shannon has never shared with the group before, that her father had a drinking problem of his own when Shannon was growing up.
“Never in my wildest dreams did I think that private conversation would be brought up on camera. How dare she,” Shannon shares in a confessional, before Tamra tries (and fails) once more to commiserate by Tamsplaining therapy.
This is the breaking point, the moment that officially invalidates the terms of Tamra’s peace treaty. As Shannon breaks down, angry and hurt, Tamra storms off, muttering “I’m not even going to try with her,” while coining Shannon an “annoying b—-” who should go “have another glass of champagne.”
To her credit, Jenn goes right up to Tamra and asks if that was the intent, proving she’s the best Tamra adversary this show has ever seen. Obviously, Tamra denies any ill-intent, leaving the ladies at a stalemate. In a confessional, our resident Okie points out that Tamra’s whole game in bringing this up is to plant seeds that Shannon’s father is an alcoholic and addiction runs in the family, validating her own claims about Shannon’s drinking. Jenn’s not quite the deer in headlights she seems to be.
Maybe it would have been a cute moment of connection for Tamra and Shannon, if there weren’t cameras. Maybe Gretchen’s gossip would have been forgotten come morning, if there weren’t cameras. But when you live your life in HD, it’s not that easy. So, Tamra and Gretchen both end the episode with their foot firmly in mouth, blaming everyone but themselves.
With that, the battle lines are once again drawn. Tamra’s apology tour hasn’t just gone up in flames, it’s burnt to a crisp. Next week, the ladies reconvene for the first time since they ousted Katie (remember her?), as Gretchen’s little gossip causes yet another Tamra uproar, though it might be her revolted reaction to Gretchen’s most questionable hairdo yet. We’re doing Katniss Everdeen braids, again? God help us.
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