You don’t need to swap saliva or stare into someone’s eyes to get a read on how they feel about you. Sometimes, a hug says more than a first date ever could.
A new study out of MSH Medical School Hamburg in Germany suggests that the biggest giveaway in relationships isn’t how people talk, kiss, or text—it’s how long they’re willing to hold each other.
Researchers asked 60 people—some friends, some romantic partners—to walk toward one another and hug repeatedly while 14 high-speed cameras captured every angle of each embrace. Advanced AI then analyzed the footage, measuring hug length and subtle body positions.
What stood out most was timing. Romantic partners hugged for an average of 7.02 seconds. Friends? Just 2.88. That gap was statistically significant. “Less than three seconds? You are clearly in the friend zone,” said study lead Sebastian Ocklenburg in an interview with Psychology Today.
“Seven seconds or more? They may have more feelings for you than you may have thought.”
What Different Hugging Styles Reveal About Your Relationship
Interestingly, the way people placed their feet, knees, or hips didn’t seem to matter. You could be in love and still leave a little air between you. Or hug a friend tight just because that’s your instinct. Body language is weird like that.
Where things got more personal was in the personality data. People who scored high in neuroticism, meaning they were more prone to anxiety or self-doubt, tended to leave more space during a hug.
Their squeezes were lighter, more reserved. On the other hand, participants who ranked high in conscientiousness gave tighter hugs, often closing more of the physical gap between themselves and the other person.
Scientists might call hugging a “nonverbal social-affective behavior,” but the rest of us just call it a feeling. You usually know when a hug feels warm, tense, distant, or like something more. Still, it’s oddly satisfying to know there’s research backing up what your gut already guessed, especially when you’re lying in bed replaying that awkward goodbye and wondering if it meant anything at all.
You can overanalyze every word they said, or you can remember how long they held you. One of those things was probably honest.
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