Every marriage hits a point where one person feels like they’re managing a business instead of a household. The groceries, the dentist appointments, the field trip permission slips—all somehow end up on your plate. And when that person is you, saying “just ask for help” starts to feel like you’re speaking into oblivion.
Behavioral scientist Dr. Zelana Montminy told PureWow there’s a sentence that can break that pattern: Can you take the mental lead on this one? It doesn’t mean “Can you help?” or “Can you do it?” It means “Can you hold the weight the way I do, from beginning to end?”
6 phrases worth saying out loud
Montminy says this phrase works because it doesn’t just transfer a task. It transfers responsibility. And with the right language, that responsibility can feel like a partnership instead of a favor.
Here are six more sentences that therapists say make marriages actually work:
1. Can you take the mental lead on this one?
Use this when you’re done delegating and micromanaging. You want your partner to remember it, plan it, and handle it without reminders.
2. I’m going to tell you something that might be hard to hear
This opens the door for honesty without putting the other person on the defensive. It invites a conversation instead of starting a fight.
3. I need your support right now
Clear and direct. You’re not asking for feedback or advice—you just want your partner to be there and act like they care.
4. I never thought of it that way
A line that shows respect even when you don’t agree. It keeps the conversation from spiraling into a debate no one wins.
5. I’m sorry for the part I played in this
Not an apology to end the fight, but one that takes real ownership. You’re owning your s**t instead of keeping score.
6. Let’s find a solution
When the argument’s going nowhere, this reroutes both of you. It moves things forward without blaming anyone for what has already happened.
Psychotherapist Amy Morin told CNBC Make It that couples who use these kinds of phrases build resilience over time. The more you communicate with care, the easier it gets to stay on the same team.
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