Ocean’s Eleven has painted too elegant a picture of the big-ticket heist. In reality, handsome middle-aged men in fine suits are not executing intricately detailed plans of cunning and deceit with the mastery of a conductor bringing a group of musicians into perfect harmony with the flick of the wrist.
In real life, heists are often brutally stupid. Take, for instance, the recent robbery of a San Jose area jewelry store. It was so brutal, so inelegant, and such a perfect example of a literal smash-and-grab robbery that the footage of it is f**king hysterical.
Thoughts and prayers go out to the jewelry store’s owners, who I hope are heavily insured.
Fifteen Masked Men Just Robbed a Jewelry Store—Yes, Fifteen
More than a dozen masked suspects stormed a jewelry store in San Jose last Friday. A Ford Explorer SUV acted as the battering ram that broke open Kim Hưng Jewelry.
Blunt objects in hand, the robbers stormed in. They immediately started smashing glass cases, stuffing their contents into bags, and then immediately vanished into multiple waiting vehicles before the cops could arrive.
It’s the closest you’ll ever get to seeing a real-life version of a cartoon stampede that’s just a ball of dust with arms and legs occasionally jutting out of it. It was chaos, but oddly hysterical. It’s like a comedy sketch.
While the visuals of the robbery are undeniably funny, that only applies up to a point. The footage clearly shows the 88-year-old store’s owner being knocked down by one of the robbers. He was cut by flying glass and later hospitalized.
While being treated, doctors discovered he had suffered a stroke. As of Sunday, he was released, but his family says the physical and emotional damage incurred may have ended his time at the shop for good.
The suspects remain unidentified and on the loose. Police confirmed one was armed.
Local officials and community activists immediately called on Governor Gavin Newsom to crack down on crime more aggressively, which may be challenging considering that California’s crime rates have been trending downward for some time.
Robberies, specifically, dropped pretty significantly as well, and overall property crime rates hit a nine-year low. Still, community organizers and local representatives are calling on Newsom to strengthen Proposition 36, an initiative passed by voters to stiffen penalties on repeat thieves.
Newsom gutted some of its funding, particularly for mental health programs intended to rehabilitate offenders.
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