If you’ve ever redownloaded Tinder after promising yourself you were done, or opened Hinge just to see who’s out there without any intention of responding, you’ve probably ego-scrolled. It’s the dating app version of standing in front of the mirror asking, “Am I still hot?” and waiting for strangers to nod.
Katie Dissanayake, founder of the dating app After, told USA Today that ego-scrolling is “just looking for proof that you’re still desirable,” more like browsing than dating. The match becomes the goal, not the conversation.
Therapist Jordan Pickell explains that it works because it feels safe. People get the sense of being noticed without the vulnerability that comes with a real relationship, a dynamic that makes ego-scrolling hard to resist but rarely satisfying.
The problem is how addictive it can feel. Dissanayake pointed to boredom, stress, and loneliness as big drivers, calling dating apps “an emotional pacifier.” That ping from a new match isn’t so different from an Instagram like—it’s a mini serotonin shot, perfectly engineered by app designers to keep people swiping.
‘Ego-Scrolling’ Remains A Persistent Habit on Dating Apps
The trouble comes when intentions don’t line up. One person might be looking for a relationship, the other is just scrolling for a self-esteem boost. The result is ghosting, mismatched expectations, and what therapists now call “dating app fatigue.” As Pickell put it, “It’s disheartening” when clients match, send a thoughtful message, and never hear back.
Still, some experts think there can be a place for ego-scrolling. Amy Morin, psychotherapist and author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, told the outlet that it might be helpful for someone newly divorced or fresh out of a breakup. It can be a reminder that there are other options, though she warned it works more like a temporary Band-Aid than a real fix.
For anyone who wants to break the nasty habit, the first move is to check in with yourself. Ask what you’re looking for and notice how you feel after all that swiping. If the apps leave you drained instead of connected, that’s the signal to close them. As Katie Dissanayake says, the real work starts with knowing your own worth before you hand it over to an algorithm built to keep you hungry.
The post Ego-Scrolling Is Ruining Dating Apps appeared first on VICE.
