When parents strive to raise emotionally aware, communicative children, the outcome often looks ideal from the outside: kids who are loved, supported and encouraged.
But according to a graduate student studying clinical mental health counseling, even children from these “conscious” families are showing up in therapy with struggles their parents never anticipated.
In her reel on Instagram, Jaclyn Williams (@breakingcycles.co) revealed what breaks her heart about kids from “emotionally healthy families” who end up in her therapy office.
When Good Intentions Go Too Far
Williams explained that more and more children from emotionally attentive households are struggling with anxiety over making decisions, guilt about negative emotions, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulty handling disappointment and even feeling responsible for peace within the family.
The 38-year-old, who is based in Kansas, told Newsweek that many parents are trying to give their children what they themselves never had.
“They want the best for them, they want them to feel seen, loved and encouraged but many parents didn’t experience that type of childhood themselves so they aren’t quite sure how to model this for their own children,” Williams said.
“Sometimes they swing in the total opposite direction… [oversharing] with their kids trying to build connection and closeness without realizing, developmentally, their brains can’t process it,” she continued.
At that point, signs of anxiety, emotional frozenness (when someone feels shut down emotionally) and people-pleasing tendencies start to show up.
Anat Joseph, a licensed clinical social worker and psychoanalyst based in New York and New Jersey, told Newsweek that she sees the same pattern in her practice.
“Even children from loving, emotionally healthy families can benefit from therapy,” she said. “In fact, it’s a common misconception that therapy is only for those in crisis or with a history of trauma.”
Children from stable homes may still struggle with perfectionism, social anxiety or internalize stress in ways that are not visible at home.
“Sometimes, kids feel pressure to be ‘okay’ because everything around them seems fine, and therapy gives them permission to not be,” Joseph added.
Validating Feelings vs. Teaching Regulation
One area where Williams sees parents getting stuck is in the difference between validating emotions and teaching regulation.
Validating means acknowledging what a child is feeling, even if it doesn’t make sense to the parent.
“Imagine a toddler wants the green ball but for whatever reason, they can’t have the green one so, their world is flipped upside down,” Williams explained. “[Saying] something along the lines of, ‘It’s so hard not being able to have that green ball right now, you must be feeling x, y and z. We’re not dismissing it, we’re acknowledging it and letting them know it’s ok to feel that way.”
But validation alone isn’t enough. Kids also need help calming down. Emotional regulation means coming back to baseline, Williams said.
“When kids especially get upset… their brains ‘go offline’. Teaching kids emotional regulation starts with parents learning how to regulate their own emotions because children learn from them. That’s why co-regulation is key.”
The Challenge of Healthy Conflict
Conflict is another area where “conscious” families can stumble. Healthy conflict resolution can be tough and it’s tempting to sweep repetitive issues under the rug, but by discussing “the hard stuff” when everyone is calm will pay dividends, Williams said.
“We’re modeling and showing that even when things are hard, we lost our cool, they did something really unexpected, we are still here for them and we’re going to work through it,” Williams said. “With the younger ones, I’ve learned it helps to prep them for the hard things we usually avoid, well before we’re there.”
For younger children, parents can prepare them for difficult situations though play, like using toys to act out a trip to the store.
“I think preparation in smaller situations is what leads to success,” Williams added.
Avoiding Projection
Williams also pointed out how parents can unconsciously project their own unresolved childhood experiences onto their kids. “Parents love the heck out of their kids… [but sometimes they] put too much on them,” she said.
Warning signs include a child constantly checking in to make sure the parent is okay, looking for cues before responding, or acting as if they are walking on eggshells.
Joseph agreed that therapy can help both children and parents in these situations. “Even in the healthiest families, parents aren’t mind readers,” she said. “Therapy… helps them process big emotions, develop coping tools, and build emotional literacy.”
Boundaries As Love
For parents who want to raise emotionally healthy children without overburdening them, Williams said boundaries are essential, even if it feels like parents are creating a distance between them and their kids.
“Setting boundaries feels wrong and often comes with guilt because nobody taught us how to do it or did it with us growing up,” Williams said, adding that boundaries take the emotional responsibility off children.
“Instead of explaining everything about what’s going on with us as parents, just letting them know, ‘Hey, I’m having a tough time but I’m working through it.’ Children’s brains can’t accept much more than that and don’t require more of an explanation.”
Williams’ message is not that conscious parenting is harmful, but that even the healthiest approaches can create blind spots.
Children need love and validation, but they also need space to be kids, make mistakes, and not feel responsible for adult emotions.
And as Joseph put it: “A supportive family can be incredibly helpful, but it doesn’t mean a child won’t need space to work through things with a neutral third party.”
The post How Children From ‘Emotionally Healthy Families’ End Up in Therapy appeared first on Newsweek.
