There’s something to be said about the undying devotion to brutal bullying on The Real Housewives of Orange County, the franchise that originated the Housewives ice-out.
Whether forcing Alexis Bellino to pick up a Xanax prescription on her way home from Costa Rica or tossing a casserole-free Vicki Gunvalson aside, these women are exactly the suburban nightmares every cul-de-sac fears.
Their latest victim is Katie Ginella, whose method of befriending bloggers and Housewives hanger-ons has landed her squarely on the outs following a particularly devastating polygraph, led by Heather Dubrow’s evil stunt double. She’ll cut you like bad bangs, b—-!
The question now is: What happens next? Will the Real Housewives put their swords down and celebrate a milquetoast season of togetherness, or will the guttersnipes turn on each other without a scapegoat to take the fall? Obviously, it’s the latter. Never doubt the OGs of the OC.
After all, it was just three episodes ago that Tamra Judge stormed out of dinner, proclaiming the women will never see her face again (again…), and look at her now. She has smoothed things over with Heather, relegated Gina and Emily back to minion status, and now looks to tumble the last dominos: Jenn, Gretchen, and Shannon. There’s a reason she’s a master of the craft.
You can do two things when on the outs: film all alone with your husband, or brute force your way back in. Katie’s doing the former, and that’s why she has a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it appearance in the midseason trailer, only because the mastermind recruits her as an ally. More on that, soon…
For now, Katie’s last appearance with the group comes in a one-on-one with Jenn. Here, Katie appeals to the OC QAnon mentality, alleging the entire polygraph test was one big set-up with paid actors.
Obviously, that man is the pass-around polygraph of reality TV, but Katie’s also shown a proclivity to lie, time and time again. I almost wonder if she’s aware that she could’ve slithered out of 99 percent of this had she just… told the truth.
Yes, I told a blogger, but [insert apologetic excuse here]. Yes, I showed Alexis that video, but [insert distraction here]. It’s not that complicated. These women forgave Vicki for a cancer scam because she simply refused to give up. They can move past a lot.
Did Gretchen say she went to the hospital and was drugged? I’d err on the side of yes, given she told Shannon and Tamra on camera that she did, in fact, go to the hospital, before immediately retracting said story in confessionals and at the polygraph. I also think the truth is probably that she didn’t go, but she just tells a different story depending on how dramatic she wants to be, which makes her an unreliable narrator at best, and a liar at worst.
Katie could exonerate herself by simply coming clean (how else would Kiki Monique even know this if Katie didn’t tell her?), but she doubles down. Thus, her friendship with Jenn comes to an end, as does her time in the group.
“I’ve been waiting for something to give me an answer. Where am I with this friendship? Why does this keep happening? She doesn’t just stand here and say, ‘I’ve been f—ing lying,’” Jenn says in a confessional. “Katie lied to me, the whole time. And that doesn’t work for me.”
Now, Katie’s relegated to filming with her thirsty husband, who has her in his contacts as “My Spicy Asian.” Absolutely classless.
Matt, her dry white, is relentless that Slade Smiley is trying to maneuver everything behind the scenes. That’s almost definitely true, and the best angle to go about it all, so congrats to Matt for having better Housewives strategy than his wife. Let’s make fun of Slade Smiley. His name is Slade Smiley! That’s justification enough. And that’s the angle that will get Tamra on Katie’s good side, as the president of the “I Hate Slade” club.
Tamra’s also the head of Orange County foreign relations, proposing peace treaties and extending olive branches to her enemies with ease. At lunch with Jenn and Heather, Tamra revels in Jenn’s fallout with Katie, deciding to offer a ceasefire to her biggest foe.
You see, the only reason Tamra has been absolutely awful to Jenn is because she does care about her. For now, Jenn’s willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, which surely will last two to three episodes. Maybe even four. But that’s all Tamra needs.
Next, she moves onto Gretchen. Jenn’s beach bash isn’t just a place for the girls to have a drama-free fun day, it’s also a chance for Tamra and Gretchen to have their first one-on-one of the season. That also means it’s their first in 12 years. So, we go all the way back to the beginning, re-litigating the “Slade is a deadbeat dad who Gretchen cheated on her geriatric fiance with” allegations for the umpteenth time. And then the “Gretchen said Eddie is gay” allegations come up. As do the “you reached out to my estranged daughter” accusations.
Some people aren’t meant to be friends. Tamra and Gretchen were created to be the yin to each other’s yang, opposite in each and every way with a vicious need to destroy the other. Their season-and-a-half alliance was the best it’s going to get, and that was all a ruse. They’ll argue about the same old things well into the nursing home.
“You could say, ‘I don’t want to talk about it,’” Gretchen tells Tamra.
“Why would I do that!? I don’t like you!” Tamra replies.
You might be surprised to see the scene end with them skipping back to the group, all smiles after a surface-level apology. But that’s the nature of the game.
That’s the disingenuous desire that is required to keep a story moving, one that will save the true blow-up for the cast trip. A professional knows not to blow their load too early. Housewives is a lot like porn. It’s not about believing anything you say or do, it’s about making the audience believe it, after all.
“Now I just have Shannon!” Tamra squeals in a confessional, ready to topple her last domino. And so, we’ll head into the next cast trip with the cast split in two: Shannon, Jenn, and Gina joining Tamra, while Heather babysits Gretchen and Emily. Given Tamra told Andy Cohen (and me) she wants Shannon to be fired, it’s safe to say that won’t go so well.
The midseason trailer promises a big return to Shannon alcoholism allegations, while Emily and Gina try to manifest a rift between Tamra and Heather, before a major blow-up ensues between Tamra and Gretchen. Unfortunately for Katie, the train has gone full steam ahead, rather than crashing and burning in her absence.
Unfortunately for us, an absence of Katie means more time for Gina and Emily solo footage. Jesus take the wheel… and drive fast.
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