Etiquette experts share the 6 times you should write a thank-you note — and the 2 times you can skip

When someone does something kind for you, expressing gratitude is essential — and sometimes, a physical thank-you note can be more impactful than words alone.

Handwritten thank-you notes are a thoughtful way to nurture meaningful relationships. They convey genuine appreciation and leave a lasting, positive impression on the recipient.

That’s why Business Insider asked four etiquette experts to weigh in on when sending a thank-you note is appropriate, and when it might not be necessary.

It’s a good idea to send a note after staying in someone’s home

Whether staying in someone’s home for one night or an entire week, etiquette expert and author Jamila Musayeva told Business Insider guests should always send a handwritten thank-you note as a token of appreciation.

“A beautiful card expressing what you appreciated about the stay creates a lasting impression and shows respect for your host’s time and effort,” Musayeva said.

A handwritten note is a must after receiving a personalized gift

If you receive a thoughtful gift with personal significance, Musayeva said it’s nice to express your gratitude with a thank-you note.

“When someone gives you something sentimental, such as a family keepsake, a handwritten recipe book, or a piece of jewelry with personal significance, a digital thank you would feel too impersonal,” Musayeva told BI.

Don’t forget to follow up after a job interview

Suzy Lins, a certified etiquette trainer known as The Manners Maven, teaches students to follow up the day after a job interview with both a thank-you email and a handwritten note.

“Sending a handwritten note helps you stand out from other candidates and keeps you top of mind,” Lins said.

Express gratitude after someone makes a connection for you

“I recommend sending a thank-you note to anyone who may have recommended you for a job, connected you to someone in a networking situation, or referred your work to someone,” Mariah Grumet Humbert, founder of Old Soul Etiquette, told BI.

Whether or not the connection leads to an opportunity, Grumet Humbert recommends sending a note.

Write a thank-you note after a child gives you a gift

Nick Leighton, co-host of the etiquette-centric podcast, Were You Raised by Wolves?, told BI that sending a child a handwritten note after they give you something models polite behavior and teaches them the importance of gratitude.

“Children learn by example,” he said. “It also helps children understand that good manners aren’t just arbitrary rules, but are expressions of consideration and kindness.”

Show thanks after a meaningful mentorship conversation

“If someone takes time out of their busy schedule to mentor you, especially in a one-on-one professional setting, follow up with a handwritten note,” Musayeva told BI.

In this case, the note conveys an appreciation and recognition for someone else’s time.

However, a physical note isn’t necessary after receiving a host gift

“From an etiquette perspective, you technically do not need to send a thank-you note in response to a gift meant to act as a ‘thank you,’ such as a host gift,” Grumet Humbert told BI.

The initial gift is usually an expression of gratitude, so sending a thank-you note back can create a cycle of thanks.

However, if the thank-you gift is particularly thoughtful or sentimental, Grumet Humbert said you can send one anyway, even though it’s probably not expected.

Similarly, you don’t have to worry about writing a note after receiving a gift from a group

Musayeva said a physical thank-you note isn’t necessary after receiving a gift from a large group, such as a departure gift from your team at work.

“If a gift comes from a large group, it’s acceptable to send one well-crafted email or message to the group, especially if you’re responding to a group card or collective effort,” Musayeva told BI.

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