I’ve been co-parenting for five years. It’s a lot of logistics, but everything is worth it to raise my kids.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Jason Schilling, a 41-year-old dad of two and head of assurance services at a CPA firm in Minneapolis. It’s been edited for length and clarity.

Trying to raise two kids while co-parenting can be madness.

One minute, I’m in the office speaking with clients and coworkers, and the next, I’m challenging a call from a referee courtside, coaching my daughter’s basketball game.

I’ve been co-parenting since the pandemic, and five years in it requires a lot of logistics, planning, and sacrifice. Right now, I have my kids and my calendar scheduled through the end of next year. Raising my children and advancing my career have been immensely rewarding.

Spending valuable time with my children

My co-parent and I divorced during the pandemic. It was a rough time to be a parent, even without the divorce. Our kids were 7 and 4 years old, and we had to step up and be teachers to an extent.

I also had to manage moving to a different place and telling my son and daughter what was going on. I kept everything positive to lighten their perspective. Sometimes I had to put on my happy face and say, “Hey, we’re going to go somewhere really cool. We’re going to go to a garbage dump and we’re going to see where everybody’s stuff goes!”

They’ve been understanding, and the 50% custody agreement lets me see them two days a week, one week, and five days a week the next, flip-flopping with my co-parent every week. When we’re not seeing each other in person, they Facetime each parent to say “hi.”

I am also fortunate enough to have my parents close by and eager to see their grandchildren if I need someone to watch them. I’ll often have important meetings in the office, and my mom is the go-to source. She takes the kids when I golf with my dad, which she appreciates because she wants him up, active, and out of the house as they get older.

As my parents get older, my mom wants my dad to be more active and out of the house. She encourages him to golf with me, which gives her more time to look after the kids while we hit the course.

I’ll also bring my daughter in on some Fridays since we have half days in the office over the summer. She loves hanging out here and chatting with the other people in the office.

I’ve never had to rely on a babysitter since my family lives nearby. I also don’t know enough people close by who could safely look after my kids, and with work, I don’t have too much time to vet potential babysitters.

I love what I do in the office and at home

At a CPA firm, there’s a cycle of busy seasons throughout the year, and some weeks I’ll be working 70 to 80 hours a week. Raising a 9-year-old and a 12-year-old means many late nights and early mornings trying to get everything done when I’m not hanging out with them.

I try to frontload a lot of my work during the week when I don’t see my kids, which also means some 12- to 14-hour days at the beginning of the week and working on Sundays. The most I’ve clocked in one day was about 17 hours, far beyond my limit for efficiently getting work done.

As a dad, there’s an optimal amount of work and pay I’m willing to take on. The higher your pay, the more responsibilities you hold, so I made sure to have a good salary and work-life balance to help put my kids first.

Thankfully, the childcare costs have subsided as the kids have gotten older. Before they reach grade school, taking care of kids is like a new mortgage expense when you combine day care, formula, and diapers.

As they’ve gotten older, childcare costs have shrunk. Our school district has a free after-school program for my kids, and my daughter uses the local YMCA, which I’d say costs about $250 a month, split between her co-parent and me during the school year.

As my kids have gotten older, I’ve learned that your role as a parent also shifts from caretaker to chef and chauffeur. My son is entering his teens soon and can now cook for himself. He’s also old enough to ask for DoorDash for himself and his sister. But they still have places to be, whether basketball practice or hanging out with friends at the mall.

I was making about $60,000 around the time my son was born. At that time, money was tighter, and we counted every dollar and tracked it in a spreadsheet. That was over a decade ago, and I’ve advanced in my career, allowing me to save more for myself, take care of my parents, and have fun experiences with my kids.

I have a lot of flexibility in this role, which my kids and I appreciate. I’ve even had enough free time to coach my daughter’s basketball team this past season. I’ve played basketball all my life, and I try to teach my daughter the different aspects of the game that relate to her life — all while making sure she gets back on defense.

The balancing act of kids and career

My career and fatherhood push and pull me in many different directions. I provide my children with resources, experiences, and my presence as a father, but sometimes, I still feel like a failure juggling both.

In these times, I take a step back and think about all I provide for my children and do in my career. I’m a dad first and make decisions based on that mindset. I could be making more by working longer, worse hours, but that won’t pay or make up for the time I don’t spend with my children.

There’s plenty of work to go around since CPAs industry-wide aren’t getting hired quickly enough to fill future gaps. I know my future with work is strong, as long as I keep my coworkers and the firm’s partners updated on dropping my kids off before work.

Recently, I’ve had to choose between more time-consuming clients and less busy clients. I’ve discovered that keeping my work schedule lighter gives me more time with my kids. I’m glad my firm lets me make those decisions and is very understanding.

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