A 27-year-old teacher has sparked a viral debate online after questioning why so many parents spend hours each night coaxing their children to sleep.
In a clip on TikTok, @awalmartparkinglot—who goes by Miss Redacted online—said her perspective might be “insensitive” as someone without children, but said she was genuinely confused after watching friends and acquaintances describe bedtime battles that lasted two or more hours.
“I’ve seen multiple [people] experiencing the same thing: spending multiple hours coaxing their children—over the age of 4—to sleep every single night,” Miss Redacted told Newsweek.
“I found this kind of surprising and hadn’t heard of this until recently,” she said. “Most of the people I have seen discussing this seem to be extremely stressed out by this and they express that it’s affecting their marriage, their own sleep and overall happiness. I was motivated to share because I was genuinely curious about why people do this if it’s so difficult.”
Miss Redacted, who has worked as a teacher, babysitter and in early childhood education, believed part of the issue comes from well-intentioned but overextended parenting.
“I have observed an increase in helicopter parenting,” she said. “Children who experience constant monitoring and excessive intervention often struggle to do things alone and navigate challenges.”
“I imagine this same concept applies to sleeping and a bedtime routine—children who are not used to going to sleep alone probably freak out if they are left alone in the dark,” she said. “Staying in the room for hours every night is sending the message that going to sleep is too scary to do alone.”
Based on her experience, Miss Redacted said that a healthy bedtime routine varies by family, but stressed the importance of balance.
For children two and above, she said a good place to start is quiet play, reading a book, cuddling for five to 20 minutes and then calmly leaving the room, citing parenting expert Jo Frost’s methods.
“The goal of a bedtime routine is to make a child feel relaxed, loved, and comfortable without putting undue burden on their caregiver,” Miss Redacted said.
She also pointed to research showing how parental stress and lack of sleep can harm both caregivers and children.
“We know that parental depression [stroke] stress affects children negatively,” she said. If bedtime is creating hardship for a parent, it’s time to reassess, she added.
The clip has gone viral on TikTok, amassing over 343,000 views. It also sparked debate among parents in the comments section.
“My child is eight. We read a story together and then snuggle until he falls asleep. Each child is different… [and] they each require different levels of attention,” one mom commented.
“My daughter has screamed her head off if we try to put her down independently since she was an infant. There’s no amount of sleep training that makes it easier for her to go to bed alone. So yeah, we sit there and rub her back until she falls asleep,” wrote another.
Others agreed on how bedtime routines across the generations have moved on.
“A ’98 baby here. My mom would read me a book, pat me on the head and leave,” a third user said.
“The amount of comments from people saying they had insomnia as a child and also had to put themselves to bed… yeah, same, but we were children. We actually probably needed some coregulation, and not to be left alone in the dark for hours unable to leave our rooms. Just [because] that was normal 20 years ago doesn’t mean it is good and we have to still do that,” wrote another.
The conversation around neurodivergent children and their bedtime routines also came up.
“Neurodivergent kids are a whole different thing, that’s all I have to say. I tried so hard to be the parent that didn’t have difficult kids but it turns out that some of them just have A LOT more needs than others,” one mom wrote.
Miss Redacted said her clip had drawn mostly supportive reactions, but recognized some parents’ opinions.
“One thing I was a little surprised by was a few people said they love laying in bed with their kids in the evening because it’s a great time to talk and bond,” she said.
Working parents reported that their work schedules limit the amount of time they are able to spend with their children, making the evening one of the few opportunities for focused one-on-one interaction, she added.
As for her own future, Miss Redacted said she might feel differently someday. “One thing I am pretty confident in saying is that I would try to prioritize my own nighttime routine,” she said.
“If my child’s nighttime routine was preventing me from creating healthy routines for myself, I would try to rethink things. But who knows, maybe 10 years from now I’ll look back … and say, ‘what an ignorant childless idiot, she doesn’t even know.’”
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