I’m a therapist working with families on a regular basis. My kids still have meltdowns.

As an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (LAMFT), I work with couples, individuals, families, kids, or any mix of the bunch on parenting strategies — or, as I like to call them, leadership development tools.

I spend my days helping parents navigate the beautiful chaos of raising children and coping with conflict in relationships as a whole. I teach secure attachment, nervous system regulation, leadership skills, and attunement. I also coach clients on how to stay calm in the storm and grounded in acceptance.

Yet, last week, I found myself, eyes closed, crouching on my daughter’s bedroom floor, experiencing what I would imagine is the closest thing to heart palpitations, as she howled because her seventh set of clothes “felt weird.”

This wasn’t one of those Instagrammable parenting moments, and it is not a moment I would highlight on my résumé. This was real life, where theory and clinical experience collide with itchy leggings and the emotional dysregulation of a tiny, fierce human.

My kids are still those kids sometimes

Here’s the honest truth: even with all the clinical training, a framed Master’s Degree, and carefully laminated visual charts in my office, my kids are still those kids sometimes.

The ones who throw tantrums in public. The ones who argue about brushing teeth like it’s a Supreme Court case. The ones who may or may not have toppled a banana stand in the middle of Trader Joe’s, forcing their single mother to abandon her cart in shame. The ones who leave me, a licensed professional, wondering: “Wait… how did I get here?”

The gap between what we know and what we live as parents is vast and ever-expanding — and often hilarious in hindsight. Parenting is a crash course in humility, and for many of us, even with multiple children, we are doing this job for the first time with very little experience. It’s a long game of Life meets Monopoly meets nervous system management. And no one, not even a therapist, is immune to the gut-punch moments when your child’s behavior makes you question your sanity, your patience, and occasionally, your will to live.

Kids look for connection

I work with both neurodivergent and neurotypical families, helping them cultivate attachment, emotional intelligence, and connection. But let me be clear: knowledge doesn’t inoculate you against the hard moments, especially when your lids are flipped. It just gives you a map when you’re lost. And even then, sometimes the GPS says “recalculating” because your 9-year-old just climbed the bookshelf and your teenager has decided you’re the most embarrassing person alive.

In her published work “Good Inside” and through her social media content, Dr. Becky often says, “Kids aren’t giving us a hard time; they’re having a hard time,” and it is true. Her powerful reframe invites parents and caregivers to see beneath the behavior and respond with connection instead of control, whether it is a knockdown, drag-out tantrum in the middle of Target or an epic teenage eye roll over boundaries with cellphones.

In what I call the polyvagal Bible, “The Whole Brain Child,” Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson talk about the importance of “name it to tame it” — acknowledging emotions to regulate them, attuning to self, and understanding when the amygdala (reptilian brain) vs. the prefrontal cortex (intelligent brain) is in charge. That goes for us parents, too.

When I feel the frustration rising, I sense the somatic cue and do my best to pause, take a deep breath, and ask myself: “What am I feeling? What do I need right now?” Sometimes the answer is a glass of water. Sometimes it’s hiding in the bathroom for three minutes while I regulate my own overstimulated nervous system. I know by now, through trial and error, failure and success, that when I meet my child’s dysregulation with my own, no one wins.

You don’t have to be a perfect parent

The greatest gift we as parents can offer our children is the gift of attunement within the space of regulation.

Much like tuning a guitar, attunement requires careful listening, thoughtful adjustment, and a sensitivity to the emotional “key” needed in the moment. When tuning a guitar, we listen closely, make major or minor shifts, and choose the right tone to create a mood or melody.

Parenting calls for a similar process. It begins with listening — maybe saying a version of, “I see you’re having a hard time. I can tell by your tears.” Then comes the tuning: an internal and external check-in. We might pause and ask ourselves, “Is my child hungry? Tired? Overstimulated? Overwhelmed? Hormonal?” Just as a well-tuned guitar produces music that is moving, calming, or powerful, attuned parenting creates emotional resonance and resilience. The “song” that emerges from parental presence and regulation helps a child feel seen, heard, and held. It fosters safety, connection, and the deep healing that comes from being truly understood.

I wish nothing more in the world than to have more adults normalize our struggles and practice unyielding self-acceptance. Let’s normalize being a loving, compassionate parent who sometimes loses their cool, a deeply caring human who sometimes wants to run away and hide in the closet, a person who can teach emotional regulation and also momentarily lose all chill over a battle over Magna-Tiles.

The parenting playbook isn’t about doing it “right.” It’s about showing up, repairing when we rupture, and reattuning when we disconnect or are out of tune.

So here’s what I tell the parents and caregivers I work with — and what I remind myself of often: You don’t have to be the best parent every moment of every day. You just need to be a good enough parent who keeps showing up. With love. With structure. With a sense of humor. And maybe with a backup pair of leggings that don’t feel weird.

Shelley Treadaway is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a mom of three. You can read more about her clinical approach on her Psychology Today profile.

The post I’m a therapist working with families on a regular basis. My kids still have meltdowns. appeared first on Business Insider.