Courtesy of Alexandra Frost
Should I hire a nanny? Should my kids go to a different school? Should they be packers or buyers? Should I teach them to get the mail? But the road is right there!
This is just a tiny, tiny fraction of the six zillion (actual number) decisions busy parents like myself make every day.
Micro decisions crowd my mind, and in 10 years of parenting five kids, not much has helped. But recently, I learned a trick that’s significantly changed this burden: Mel Robbins’ 5 Second Rule.
Five seconds to more bandwidth
You know that dopamine hit when your desk or kitchen counter is cleared off? That’s what the five-second rule is all about. The concept is about counting down from five, and giving yourself just that much time to think, ruminate, decide, or wonder about the outcome. When you hit zero, you have to act.
For example, I recently asked myself: Should I go to the gym or pick up the kids a few minutes early? I could easily spend 20 minutes debating it, during which I’d miss my chance to grab my workout clothes and make it happen. With just five seconds to consider, I make a decision.
Christina Granahan, a licensed social worker and therapist, told me, “Often, people think that something outside of them is causing the stress or suffering, but more often than not, it’s the open loop that is stressful and accumulating in their mind, draining their physical and mental energy.”
How to give it a try
This hack works best with two answers that are both “OK.” For example, recently, I had to let go of a babysitter who was having trouble managing one kid’s tantrums. I was getting calls throughout the day, causing a similar stress level to if I had no sitter while working. The reason I couldn’t make the decision is that neither answer was a great solution.
So, one day, I counted down from five and hit “call” on my phone to let her know we needed to take a break. By just picking something, I could move forward with other problems occupying brain space.
“Mel’s practice can be helpful when there is either low risk or when a perfect decision would be impossible to make. It’s a great practice to cut through the messiness of overthinking and move to action,” Granahan said. “The fine line the practice walks, though, is with impulsivity or with higher risk decisions [where] you want to make sure you are taking in all relevant information.”
I’ve found it’s easiest to start with daily tasks, like the day’s plans or meals. But then, I get the most impact from this rule by applying it to situations I’ve been overthinking for longer than I know I should.
The paralysis of making the “right” decision
Emily Oster, a parenting data scientist, once wrote, “There is no secret option C.” An imperfect decision is better than the paralysis of making a perfect decision.
I had no idea that having five kids meant each decision carried such weight, with little lives and futures depending on making the “right” one, that I’d constantly be scanning for that better option C. Often, usually, there just isn’t one.
So, next time I find myself searching for the right choice, or a better choice, whether it’s been minutes of analyzing or weeks, the countdown begins. After all, my kids — and the life we’ve already built together — are waiting for me to enjoy it.
The post I’ve juggled motherhood and my career for a decade, and it’s exhausting. A 5-second strategy has completely changed my life. appeared first on Business Insider.
