My brother didn’t give me a plus-one for his wedding. I was upset at first, but I’m actually so relieved I went alone.

When my little brother told me he was getting married, I was beyond happy and incredibly proud of him for finding such a wonderful partner and healthy relationship.

On top of that, I was stoked that they asked me to be a bridesmaid and give a speech at the reception.

However, I was pretty bummed when I found out singles, including myself, weren’t getting plus-ones.

It can be tough being the single wedding guest, especially as a divorcée

Having been married before, I know how expensive weddings are. I didn’t give any singles a plus-one to my wedding for that very reason.

As such, I knew I was being more than a little hypocritical for feeling hurt that I couldn’t bring a date.

However, part of me secretly felt like a failure for being divorced and single in a sea of happy couples at all the weddings I’ve attended since my marriage ended.

I knew I’d especially feel the burn at a family wedding like this, where all my cousins attending were also married.

The kicker is, if I’d gotten a plus-one, I even would’ve had a date to bring this time. I had just started seeing a guy who wanted to come to the wedding with me.

Nevertheless, I decided not to push the issue. I attended the wedding alone and, in the weeks that followed, I realized my brother made the right call by not letting me bring a nameless date.

Looking back, I’m relieved I didn’t bring a plus-one who could’ve ruined my whole night

The more I got to know the guy who would’ve been my wedding date, the more I realized he wouldn’t have been a very good plus-one.

Shortly after the wedding, I navigated a slew of messy incidents with him — several involved him getting far too drunk, and most left me embarrassed in a public space.

Suffice it to say, our relationship didn’t last. One of my biggest takeaways, though, was that I dodged a bullet by not bringing him to my brother’s wedding.

Based on the behaviors I witnessed from him in the weeks after the big day, I probably would’ve spent most of the evening having to babysit him instead of enjoying the celebration.

Again, I can’t say for sure how things would’ve gone, but I’m grateful I didn’t give him the chance to embarrass me or cause a scene that would take away the beautiful energy of the happy couple’s wedding.

I’m glad he’s not in any wedding photos, and that I was able to spend the day focusing on the people I truly loved who were in attendance.

This experience also taught me more about what I’m really looking for in a relationship

Maybe not getting a plus one as a single guest isn’t so bad — you get more time to focus on the healthy love around you.

Watching my brother and new sister-in-law that day, and in the time since, I have been in awe of seeing what a good relationship looks like, and taking notes.

This situation was definitely a wake-up call that prompted me to pause and reflect on my unhealthy patterns and poor relationship decisions. Since then, I’ve been working on that part of myself and making improvements.

I’ve also learned to be a lot more comfortable being the single person in a group of couples, and I’ve stopped thinking less of myself for it.

The big takeaway for me, though, is that now I know what I’m looking for in a relationship: Someone I’d be proud to bring to a wedding, who the couple would be happy to invite by name.

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