Courtesy of Rebecca Nevius
In my 20s, I watched my friends raise their families.
I sipped a margarita while their kids had bedtime tantrums, and provided moral support as they folded the mounds of dirty cloth diapers and onesies. I watched them parent and juggle the responsibilities of work, meal prep, and taking care of the home.
While I was busy not settling down, most of my friends already had — and they’d been moms for nearly a decade by the time I had my first child.
Life experience and education gave me a lot, but couldn’t prepare me for everything
I became a mom at 31 after spending my 20s doing exactly what I wanted — painting murals, trips to Europe, and earning an advanced degree in philosophy. While those experiences might not sound like traditional prep from motherhood, having time to do all of that helped me feel ready to be a mom. I learned about myself, what I could handle, and what kind of life I wanted.
Were my 20s a crash course in parenting? Not exactly, but they gave me a deeper understanding of the world, one that I hoped to pass on to my own children. I lived a great adventure, so when it came time to settle down, I had no regrets.
Courtesy of Rebecca Nevius
However, becoming a mom did knock me off balance at first. I know now, becoming a parent is a shock for everyone, but after a decade of independence, I found it incredibly disorienting. The biggest shock was the slow realization of what “settling down” actually meant.
Instead of talking about politics or traveling, I was plunged into the foreign world of the “mom circle,” where conversations were more about nipple cream, onesies, and parenting methods. These topics weren’t wrong, just different, and it took me time to adjust and realize that these women were giving me exactly what I needed. They were giving me the extraordinary tools of mothering through very ordinary conversations.
I went from being an expert to a beginner
I was used to feeling competent in my career and studies, so starting over as a beginner mom among all my veteran mom friends was intimidating and humbling. Yet I learned quickly and realized the importance of asking for help.
These friends were a wealth of knowledge, and I did my best to draw from it. But there was a catch — these moms were no longer sleep-deprived zombies, and what I also needed besides veteran parenting wisdom was someone who could relate.
Courtesy of Rebecca Nevius
Younger moms became my lifeline
I wouldn’t normally reach out to younger people for help and advice, but I needed friends who shared my life stage. And yes, I was self-conscious about my age when I found them, but that quickly dissolved over coffee-fueled, spit-up-intensive playdates.
These moms have since become lifelong friends, and — added benefit — they keep me feeling surprisingly young, as well.
My timeline was right for me
Now, my oldest is entering seventh grade, and being an older mom has stretched me in all the right ways. It taught me humility and to lean on the wisdom of others, while reaching out to broaden my peer group. Everyone’s timeline is different. I’m thankful for all my experiences in life, and as a mom. They were right for me, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
The post I had kids later than most of my friends. They were able to share valuable advice, but I had to connect with younger moms to survive. appeared first on Business Insider.
