The depravity of mankind can be found just about anywhere, but nothing captures society’s venom quite like The Real Housewives of Orange County. It’s the ultimate arbiter of the zeitgeist: When the world goes low, they fall even deeper into the abyss.
In a society angrier than ever, it’s only fitting the Housewives would be on edge, too. From the second this season began, it’s been low-down and dirty, and it’s only getting uglier and uglier. Even this week’s dramatic reprieve seems ominous, almost by design. It’s fitting this episode is all about voodoo, as The Real Housewives of Orange County are absolutely haunted, skeletons from the past wreaking havoc at every corner.
On one end, a “former fatty” photo of Jenn is circulating thanks to Tamra, a physical reminder of the life Jenn ran so far away from when she left Oklahoma, her ex-husband, and her old teeth behind. The phrases “fatty” and “former fatty” are said several times this episode, each with a seriousness that makes it oh-so hilarious. In Orange County, calling someone fat might as well be a slur.
“I think a lot of women struggle with confidence and body image, and I’m one of them,” Jenn shares in a confessional, juxtaposed with her saying she’s not wedding body ready, somehow. If only Jenn could see what we all do. Yes, Jenn, life can be hard, but so are your abs!
Meanwhile, after two decades of sowing, Tamra has begun the dreaded process of reaping.
Despite falling into a depression over Teddi Mellencamp’s cancer prognosis, Tamra’s simply unable to garner sympathy from half her castmates. Jenn is too busy trying to scrub the existence of her former fatty photo; Shannon’s just trying to remember what exactly she did in that video Katie recorded; and MAHA queenie Gretchen probably is confused why they don’t just beef tallow the sickness away.
The women just don’t believe Tamra, anymore. Part of Tamra’s appeal has always been that you can never tell if she’s being genuine, scheming, or both, so it’s understandable, albeit sad, that even her moments of honesty are met with hesitation. It’s a blessing and a curse to be a master of manipulation. Sure, she can’t stop laughing at the former fatty photos, but just to cheer herself up in these trying times. If these ladies really cared about Tamra’s well-being, well, they’d understand.
But that’s the thing about being a Real Housewife of Orange County: empathy isn’t a job requirement. These women don’t want the best for each other, and they never will. That was true when the financial crisis of 2008 wiped out half the cast, and it was true when they tried to use telekinesis to crash the sprinter to the Irish airport.
Really, group scenes are just a chance for these women to dabble in psychological warfare, even those as mundane as Gina’s housewarming. Here, the grey-and-white walls lull the women into a state of solitary confinement, allowing them to grow more and more irate.
“How do you cry about this low point you’re in, and all your therapy sessions, but you’re still finding time to go dig around and find a fatty photo of me?” Jenn lashes out in a confessional. “F— your fatty photo.”
You know at BravoCon how they put little signs up with the ladies alongside their most iconic quotes? Let’s make Jenn’s “F— your fatty photo.” I think that’d be fun!
Jenn steers clear of Tamra the entire event, instead trying to off her allies, one by one. She’s on a season-long crusade to get Heather out of Tamra’s grip, not quite realizing that Heather’s no passive bystander, but a willing participant in the destructive duo. It’s a symbiotic relationship, one where Heather does the social bidding while attack-dog Tamra gets results, and they’re much stronger together than apart.
Still, it’s smart for Jenn to hold Heather’s feet to the fire. Tamra’s already in the mud; you might as well toss Heather in with her. That keeps Heather from doing her favorite thing: coasting through group scenes while filming Million Dubrow Listings. Just because she loves life in the Hills doesn’t mean Heather can take the high road forever.
Inside, Gretchen goes for a more direct line of attack, launching into Tamra for her “Single White Female” allegations against their “former fatty” friend. Thus, we enter Tamra vs. Gretchen round two (more like round 222, really). They have such a beautifully incoherent discourse, truly oil and water.
“You literally went out and completely said that Ryan got raided by the FBI,” Gretchen sticks up for Jenn.
“Okay, and I apologized for that…?” Tamra replies.
“It feels like you’re not ever, like, learning your lesson on anything.”
“No, I’ve learned my lesson.”
“But you didn’t, because you went and did the same thing to Ryan!”
It would probably be annoying had Gretchen been on the show all this time, but their fighting is such a comfort in the state of absolute chaos. As so many companies aimlessly try to outsource creative work to soulless AI, just realize: a simulation could never capture such visceral hatred.
Even an invite to New Orleans can’t diminish the disdain. Tamra was last there with Teddi, so she sneaks off to cry (or maybe she just hated the reminder of the worst scene in RHOC history, Gina’s exorcism), and that garners her no favor with her biggest haters, Jenn and Gretchen.
One of the many humorous qualities Gretchen brings to the show is her parasocial addiction to hating Tamra at any cost, whispering “she’s really good at playing the victim” while Tamra bawls two feet away. It adds color to these Tamra moments, setting the stage quite well for our longest-running Housewife’s (temporary) departure from the show. Tamra Judge, victim or villain, might just be the overarching question of the season.
When the first group arrives in New Orleans (Gina, Emily, Katie, and Gretchen), that’s certainly the chatter.
“What’s concerning to me is she has this tendency to say, ‘I want to move on with Jenn,’ but then she’s, like, at dinner with Heather bring up former fatty photos,” Gina points out, to which Gretchen replies, “Nuh-ah-uh-doo, exactly.”
When the hatred makes you spew gibberish, you know it’s good. Maybe Gretchen’s possessed by the ghosts of all those who have haunted Tamra before, and they can’t exit the state of perpetual “suburgatory” until Tamra’s taken down, once and for all.
That’s why Gretchen’s hair is so big; it’s full of spirits.
Those spirits have placed a hex on Tamra, one she can’t quite shake off. Next week, the moment we’ve all been waiting for—the surprise “exit” of our consummate professional—will arrive, and somehow, it seems Gina is the culprit of said fallout! We really are living in the most absurd timeline.
I’ll end with my rose and thorn of the episode. My rose is Katie saying she’s made a sex tape, to which Shannon replies, “Of course Katie has! She records, that’s what she does.” I guffawed, not even going to lie.
My thorn is Emily saying she likes sex from behind so she can eat snacks and watch My 600 Pound Life. She’s still chasing the high of that turkey sandwich in the sauna all these years later, but this might be the most diminished return yet. May we please move on.
The post The ‘Real Housewives of Orange County’ Try to Take Down the Original B***h appeared first on The Daily Beast.
