Psychologist Jennifer Freyd introduced the concept of betrayal trauma in 1991. According to Freyd, this form of trauma typically occurs between a victim and the person/people or institutions they rely on for survival. When a primary caregiver significantly violates the victim’s trust or well-being, this leaves a lasting mark. Such instances of betrayal trauma include child sexual assault, physical abuse, and emotional neglect.
“A key distinguishing factor of betrayal trauma is the reliance on the betrayer,” Wendy Boring-Bray, DBH, LPCC, wrote on Psychology Today. “Victims of betrayal trauma do not have the choice to leave the situation they are in because they are dependent on the perpetrator to meet their physical, mental, and/or emotional needs.”
Additionally, betrayal trauma does not require a post-traumatic stress reaction to be deemed as such.
What’s more? There’s a certain type of betrayal trauma that’s impacting romantic relationships today. Here’s what you should know about partner betrayal trauma.
Betrayal Trauma in Romantic Relationships
While betrayal trauma typically refers to trauma tied to our primary caregivers, it can exist within romantic contexts as well. According to Boring-Bray, this is referred to as “Partner Betrayal Trauma,” which “occurs when the perpetrator of the betrayal is a significant other.”
This is, unfortunately, a common pattern we witness in many romantic relationships today. While you might not need your partner to survive physically, many of us do rely on them for emotional support, financial security, and companionship.
For example, let’s say you’re a stay-at-home mom who holds down the fort while your husband hustles at work all day. For the most part, you rely on their income to help you and your family stay afloat. When your partner then cheats on you or, say, gambles away tens of thousands of dollars, this quickly becomes a betrayal trauma.
“It is entirely possible—in fact, it’s relatively common—for an individual to be reliant in some way on a partner, or to trust that they will meet the other’s needs,” Boring-Bray wrote. “These needs might be financial (paying bills, managing funds), emotional (intimacy, support), or physical (sex, safety, basic needs). To betray that trust might look like cheating, manipulation, physical/sexual/emotional abuse, or withholding/misusing financial resources.”
The Impact of Partner Betrayal Trauma
Countless times, I have witnessed a loved one enduring a breakup and asking themselves, “Why am I struggling so much? Why can’t I just get over it?” They might even feel like they’re over their ex—they don’t want them back and don’t even miss their company anymore.
Still, they can’t stop ruminating about the relationship, struggling to move on.
But if you take a deeper look, you’ll realize that many of these breakups have such lasting impacts due to an incredibly painful betrayal.
Not to mention, these continuous betrayal traumas within relationships might prevent you from leaving a significant other in the first place.
“Experiencing considerable betrayal by a person that you rely on to support you physically, mentally, and emotionally can cause damage from the present moment well into the future,” Boring-Bray wrote. “Should you suspect that yourself or someone you know is a victim of betrayal trauma, the answer may not be as simple as leaving the relationship.”
According to Boring-Bray, some signs and symptoms of partner betrayal trauma include betrayal blindness (meaning you can’t pick up on signs of betrayal), difficulty trusting others, a damaged view of love, re-victimization, low self-esteem, and other mental health issues.
If you believe you’re enduring partner betrayal trauma, seek help from a therapist who can provide you clarity, safety, and a path toward healing. Additionally, be sure to surround yourself with people you feel emotionally safe with—who you know you can trust and won’t judge or shame you.
The post What Is Betrayal Trauma and How Can You Deal With It? appeared first on VICE.
