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The Office Pet
My boss, whom I love as a dear friend, has taken to bringing his “situationship” (a.k.a. not his partner or boyfriend) into the office to “work.” (This man is not an employee of the company.) Sometimes it is two full days a week, and the “sitch” will often sit at my desk, where private documents kept or sensitive phone calls with sources are taking place. (We work with highly sensitive information on a global scale.)
Here’s a typical day: He’ll be signed in around 9 a.m., work unsupervised, or sometimes wander about. He’ll take calls and enjoy the meager company snacks. He’ll keep clothes and shoes at vacant desks. Sometimes I’ll get word he is in the office and will turn around and go home.
My boss has a high position in the company and is beloved. His boss sits on another floor and has an immensely stressful job. People who sit near my boss are fed up with this annoying — at best — behavior. At worst, it is a gross abuse of power. But they are afraid to report. I privately reported to two higher-ups (not his boss), and nothing was done.
I don’t want him to get in trouble, but this has gone on for over six months and it is affecting my sanity!
— Anonymous
I’m not sure there’s a way to save your sanity without getting your boss “in trouble,” or, at the very least, creating a certain amount of tension. Though I understand that he is a “dear friend,” the situation is causing you so much consternation that you’ve already taken steps to privately report him. This suggests to me that the situation is unsustainable.
What you don’t say in your letter is why you haven’t said anything to your boss directly. Why not try this tactic? I’m curious whether your objections are moral, personal, ethical or all of the above. Is it the mere presence of the situationship in your work space that you take issue with? Is it a personality issue with the individual himself? The answers to these questions should help you determine what steps to take next, or how to communicate your displeasure.
For example, personal objections, however real, are not worth bringing into the discussion with your boss. But your concerns about privacy and personal work space are, and should be communicated.
Rather than suggesting your boss’s indiscretions are creating discomfort, you should approach him with your concerns about confidentiality and the inappropriateness of your desk space being taken over by another person. This will depersonalize the issue, I think, and make your boss less likely to get defensive.
And if you haven’t already — it’s unclear to whom you’ve reported your concerns — go to H.R. Unless of course, H.R. is also so under your boss’s spell that it is reluctant to approach him directly. In which case, my advice remains the same: Speak to your boss himself. It may not make a difference, but at the very least, you can say you tried.
Pumping Breast Milk Versus Alone Time
I work with a lot of attorneys. (This is relevant later, I promise.) I have a 2-month-old at home, and I am pumping at work. I generally pump twice a day, in midmorning and midafternoon. We have a designated pumping room with a chair, table, sink, fridge, cabinet and small bookshelf with titles like “Oh Crap! Potty Training.” You have to badge-in to use it, there’s an “in-use” slider, and the door locks from the inside. The room is compliant with the Fair Labor Standards Act for pumping and it’s obviously a pumping room.
Many times, however, I’ve come to use the room and seen that it is occupied. Pumping is like using the bathroom: If you don’t do it when you need to, you’ll wet yourself. So I stand and wait. Today, for example, I waited about a half-hour and finally knocked on the door. A young female attorney opened the door. Her lunch and a book were on the table. I told her I needed to pump, and I apologized for disturbing her pumping time. She said she wasn’t pumping and told me I should request a privacy curtain from our facilities personnel so I could pump at my desk. This is wild: First of all, my desk doesn’t have a fridge or sink, and I share with someone else. The proper space for me to be using is the room she is occupying!
She asked who I was (I’m a new hire), but then didn’t give me her name. She walked off and said she’d find out more about a privacy curtain for me.
Is she for real? This room is so obviously for mothers who are pumping. How does she not feel guilty about this?
I’ve already gone to H.R. (also a woman). They’re hesitant to restrict access to the room (even though it’s possible to do so with the badge access) and have made vague statements about how the room is, in theory, for “everyone.” Is it actually for everyone? Don’t I get priority as someone who is pumping? Moreover, if the person I’m “competing” with for this space is using it to read a book, why am I having to fight for it?
I’m at a law firm. I know they know they’re breaking the law. And worse, it’s other women who are blocking my access to this space. What’s the deal?
— Anonymous
First things first: This is, as you point out, both unacceptable and illegal.
(The fact that everyone involved is female doesn’t actually matter, though their gender certainly makes the situation feel extra outrageous.)
The thing is, playing “nice” doesn’t seem to be getting you anywhere, so I think you need to escalate your tactics, as much as you might not want to. I understand that you’re in a new job and probably feel a measure of vulnerability.
In short: Spell out the law in writing. You need to remind your H.R. department — and your direct supervisor(s), if you haven’t already — of the illegality of what is going on. Inform them of the Fair Labor Standards Act and the PUMP for Nursing Mothers Act, which requires employers to give nursing employees in a variety of covered workplace environments the right to have a private place to pump.
And as Marylou Fabbo, an employment lawyer in Massachusetts, said, it doesn’t matter if the company has a policy that other people can use the room occasionally. “Importantly, the space must be functional for expressing breast milk and available whenever a nursing employee needs to pump,” she explained over email. “If the designated space for pumping is not available because an inconsiderate colleague is reading a book or otherwise using the space for something other than nursing, the employer is not complying with its obligation to have a space available when the employee needs to pump.”
You can learn more about the law at the Department of Labor’s website and I also suggest that you call the department’s help line (1-866-4USWAGE) for more information.
And if this particular employee, or another, approaches you with further commentary about a privacy curtain? (Or provides the privacy curtain itself?) Tell the employee plainly and in no uncertain terms that you will be pumping in the pumping room, which is what it is designated for.
The outrage you share in your letter is palpable — I encourage you to channel your anger and disbelief into further action, with the confidence and the knowledge that you have the law on your side.
Anna Holmes is the Work Friend columnist for The Times. She is a writer and editor and the founder of the website Jezebel.
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