A mother’s request to exclude her grandchildren and her children’s spouses from a family dinner on an upcoming vacation — which she said she’s planning and paying for — has sparked a heated debate.
Her daughter, 40, took to Reddit for advice about the dilemma, saying she feels bad about potentially leaving her husband, their two kids, and the rest of the family behind for dinner at a restaurant where she, her mom, and her siblings went to on vacations when they were young.
“Never thought I’d find myself here, but honestly feeling like the a–hole either way I play this and could use a hand,” the woman wrote on Reddit recently.
“It’s not a fancy restaurant, but she isn’t confident the kids can behave up to her standards … I am not either,” the woman continued.
She said her husband of 20 years was “noticeably let down” by the idea and that there’s a “whole history” of her mom not accepting her and her siblings’ spouses.
The situation is especially painful for her husband, who lost both his parents as a teenager, according to the post.
“I feel like I should just go and enjoy it, but now I’m thinking of 20 years of him being excluded and feeling sad and disloyal,” the woman wrote.
Reddit users flooded the comments section with thoughts on the writer’s predicament.
“YTA for allowing your mom to treat your husband as [an] other for decades, especially when he has lost both of his parents,” one Reddit user said — using the acronym for “you’re the a–hole.”
“If it was a one-time thing, I’d say it’s fine,” another person said. “But since you say your mother excluded him (and your siblings’ partners) repeatedly, I think YTA … You should be on his team.”
Randi Crawford, a life coach from San Diego, agreed with the team mentality.
“Excluding spouses on a group trip is tone-deaf, and it puts everyone in an awkward position,” Crawford told Fox News Digital.
“This isn’t about one dinner. It’s about recognizing that your children are no longer solo acts. They come as a team.”
“You don’t have to love it, but you do have to respect it,” she added.
Many people urged the woman to stand up to her mom.
“First off, apologize to your husband for allowing this [BS] to go on for over two decades,” one social media user wrote. “After that, put your foot down and tell your mother that things are going to change.”
Others, however, didn’t think the request was such a big deal.
Even the original poster said in the comments section that she wished there could be an “uncomplicated ‘sibs only’ dinner.”
“[Not the a–hole] if you go without him and enjoy one child-free meal with your sibs and mom,” one person agreed.
“Give her this one evening,” another Redditor suggested.
The person suggested the couple visit the same restaurant another night and leave the kids with their grandma.
Others said she owed her mom for footing the bill for the trip.
“You’re taking this woman’s [money] in the form of a vacation, so if she wants one dinner with her kids, then why not?” another person said.
Melanie Williams, a psychotherapist in Baltimore, said financial control is an “unfortunate dynamic” that can occur in families.
“If finances are a factor, I hope the writer and her siblings work with their spouses to find a plan that lessens their financial support on their mother,” Williams told Fox News Digital.
“I can only imagine the number of other issues that exist because of this dynamic.”
She added that the mother is trying to “relive a fantasy” of her kids still being young.
“The writer and her siblings would do well to speak up, set better boundaries and apologize to their spouses,” Williams said.
Fox News Digital reached out to the original poster for comment.
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