Breaking up with someone is never easy, no matter the circumstance. Whether you still love the person or have lost feelings for them over time, ending a relationship can stir up a ton of emotions, from guilt to fear to depression. That being said, how you choose to initiate and carry out a breakup can impact how you process it.
A new study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences identified 45 different acts used to terminate relationships. The researchers then broke down these actions into nine broad breakup techniques, eventually reaching three even broader strategies.
“Most people will experience the end of an intimate relationship (usually several times), with either themselves or their partners initiating it,” said study author Menelaos Apostolou, a professor of evolutionary psychology at the University of Nicosia, per PsyPost. “Because this phenomenon is relatively common and painful, I was motivated to ask how people actually do so, which the current research aimed to address.”
Interested in learning more about breakup habits? Here are the top three fateful techniques used to initiate a breakup.
1. Softening the blow
There are countless ways to break up with someone. However, according to Apostolou, “The most preferred one is ‘Soften the blow,’ involving explaining the breakup reasons, taking responsibility, and convincing the partner that separation is beneficial for both.”
I would definitely agree that this is the least brutal way to handle a breakup. Ending a relationship rarely comes without its negative emotions; however, softening the blow can help ease the process for both parties.
For example, let’s say you completely and unexpectedly lost feelings for your partner. Rather than harshly telling them you no longer love them and would prefer to date other people, you can sugarcoat the truth by explaining that you’re simply not happy in the relationship anymore. You don’t need to go into details about how you’re not attracted to them, don’t enjoy spending time with them, hate their friends, etc. Sometimes, unless they’re salvageable, it’s best to keep those negative emotions to yourself.
2. Taking a break
We all know and fear the dreaded “break.” You know, the one that occurs when you’re too afraid to fully abandon the idea of your relationship.
“The second most preferred one is ‘Take a break,’ where individuals express a desire for a temporary separation to reassess feelings,” Apostolou explained.
On a break, you get to enjoy your freedom while processing your feelings towards your partner. It sometimes feels like the ideal setup, but it usually ends up with one person feeling heartbroken or betrayed. Couples often propose a “break” when they’re craving separation but aren’t yet ready to fully let go.
3. Avoiding confrontation
The third and worst breakup strategy involves avoiding confrontation with your partner.
“‘Avoid confrontation,’ involving gradually fading away or disappearing without explanation, is the least preferred strategy,” Apostolou told PsyPost.
That’s good news—but also surprising to me, considering how many people ghost their partners today.
Breaking up without fully confronting your partner is its own form of evil. I’ve been on the receiving end of that, where the person texts a “we need to talk” and, within minutes, erases you from their entire life without even sending your items back.
This is probably the coldest form of a breakup, but one that some people still choose, as it allows them to avoid their feelings and the issue at hand. Emotional maturity goes out the window as the person either shuts down or moves on without looking back—or even explaining why.
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