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My identical twins have been competing since they were toddlers. When Thomas took his first steps, Charlie began walking the very next day, determined not to be left behind.
That dynamic never went away. From stopping the use of pacifiers to football goals to final exam scores, each has spent his life measuring himself against the other. Sometimes, this has pushed them to greatness, while other times, it has brought frustration, injuries, and tears.
As their dad, it’s been both thrilling and challenging to watch them push each other to their limits.
Their competitive spirit transformed them into fearless athletes
Their competitiveness thrived on the sports field. While they celebrated victories alongside teammates and felt losses deeply, they always maintained their private scoreboard. After every game, one would inevitably tell me, “I scored more goals than my brother today,” a sibling rivalry alongside their team spirit.
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Although exhausting to witness as a parent who just wanted them to enjoy themselves, this rivalry created an unexpected advantage in Australian football. When other children their age feared being tackled and hesitated to go for the ball, Charlie and Thomas showed remarkable courage, diving for possession with ferocity.
Their talent didn’t go unnoticed. At a friend’s birthday party, while the kids played casual football in the yard, a local junior coach spotted their skills and their aggressive tackling style.
They had no fear of being tackled, likely because they’d been tackling each other ruthlessly for years. The coach told me that most kids take years to develop that fearlessness. He recruited them on the spot, and they joined his team the very next day.
Intense competition sent us to the emergency room
I tried channeling their competitiveness positively by encouraging them to view themselves as a “twin force” on the field, passing to each other and using their connection as an advantage. I half-jokingly hoped they’d develop some form of twin telepathy to dominate games.
But their rivalry occasionally went too far. After watching the Australian football grand final on television (our equivalent of the Super Bowl), they rushed into the backyard to play a game. Fueled by adrenaline and their unrelenting rivalry, they sprinted straight at each other, like a game of chicken. Neither backed down, and the resulting collision left both boys with gashed foreheads and a trip to the emergency room.
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Another incident particularly tested my patience. Both qualified for an athletics tournament — Thomas in the long jump and Charlie in the 100 meters. Charlie checked the schedule and told me the event times so I could drive them the next day.
When we arrived, we discovered the long jump competition had already concluded. Thomas was devastated. Charlie just shrugged and said, “He should’ve checked the times himself.”
Academic competition brought new challenges
As they entered their final years of high school, their rivalry shifted to academics. They focused more on outscoring each other than on their actual grades. Even if one failed an assignment, he’d still celebrate if he outperformed his brother.
This dynamic became particularly challenging during their final year. Thomas took a studious approach, selecting difficult subjects and dedicating countless hours to studying. He skipped parties and social events to prepare for exams. Charlie chose easier subjects and maintained a more laid-back approach.
In Australia, college admission depends entirely on final exam results; there is no formal application process. When the results were released, we were on a flight to Chicago. They opened their phones simultaneously to check their scores, then looked at each other, waiting for the other to speak first.
Despite putting in half the effort, Charlie scored higher than his academically driven brother. Charlie’s look of satisfaction contrasted sharply with Thomas’s neutral expression. As a parent, I found it challenging to celebrate Charlie’s achievement while watching Thomas, slightly disappointed, despite getting a high grade. He’d done everything “right” and still come in second, at least in that moment.
They also protect each other
Parenting competitive twins has meant managing intense rivalry that can be heartbreaking at times. While most siblings compete, few are judged side by side so directly in sports, academics, and nearly every milestone.
I wanted them to strive for excellence, but not at each other’s expense. What surprised me most was how quickly they’d transition from fierce competitors to staunch defenders. Despite their everyday battles, they’ve always protected each other when anyone else threatened either of them.
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Fortunately, both got into their first-choice colleges and are now at different campuses. I hope their next phase of life will be shaped more by their own goals and less by their attempts to beat each other.
Though I’m pretty sure they’ll still compare grades at the end of each semester. As long as it doesn’t send us back to the ER, I’m OK with that.
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