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Bathroom Battles
Can you help me with this problem? I work in an elementary school as an occupational therapist. I work very closely with teachers in the school on Individualized Education Program legal documents, which need to be worked on collaboratively — I can only do my part if everyone else does their part.
I have a co-worker that I work especially closely with, not by my choosing. Professionally he is obnoxious, always waiting until the last minute to complete parts of the document that are required for me to do my part, and terrible at staying on track during meetings… These are things I can handle. I can speak with him about these things.
Where I struggle is that his bathroom habits are disgusting. In the school there are only four adult bathrooms. Teachers are all strapped for time, including finding time to use the bathroom, so I get that things might be a little rushed in the bathroom. The problem is that I have entered the bathroom immediately after him multiple times to find a toilet seat covered in urine and a toilet full of frothy pee. We’ve made eye contact and greeted each other as he exits and I enter. As someone who sits on a toilet to use it, this is unacceptable.
This is unprofessional, since this is a shared space, but it doesn’t necessarily rise to the level of bringing it up to my supervisor. I have to keep working with this guy, and using the bathroom after him. What should I do?
— Anonymous
Disgusting. (Your use of the word “frothy” really sent me over the edge.) I agree that this is unacceptable.
And universal: Though the subject makes for a provocative advice column question, I’ll bet most of those reading this have had to deal with a co-worker — known or unknown — with disgusting bathroom habits. And it can feel purposeful sometimes.
It feels that way to me, at least. Which brings me to this: I wonder if part of the issue here is that your colleague is passive-aggressively doing this deliberately. Does he seem displeased with his work? Is he hostile in other ways? You don’t seem to feel any hesitation about discussing your challenges with him professionally; I wonder whether it might be worth having a bigger, 30,000-foot discussion with him about whether he’s even happy in his job.
I agree that your colleague’s behavior doesn’t necessarily rise to the level of making an intervention from a supervisor necessary, but I also don’t think you should be expected to grin and bear it. Here’s my advice: Design and print four signs and tape each sign on the outside of the door of each of the four bathrooms, or on the wall next to the toilet, where everyone can see them.
The signs should state plainly, and succinctly, that people who use the bathroom are expected to clean up after themselves, which means flushing the toilet and wiping away bodily fluids so that surfaces are clean for other people.
See if that helps. If it doesn’t, I think you’re within your rights to escalate the issue. You shouldn’t have to deal with a filthy work environment. And if your supervisor balks at saying something to the staff? You might have to take matters into your own hands (again) and send an email to your colleagues, explaining the situation and asking for their help in remedying it. At this point, you’re still not singling him out. But if THAT doesn’t work? Say something directly to the colleague. I’d do it in writing, not so much because you need to create a paper trail, but because the potential for your co-worker feeling embarrassed is lessened with the distance offered by avoiding a face to face.
I encourage you to address this and not keep quiet. As you put it, everyone needs to do their part. And part of that means cleaning up after themselves.
Too Old for a Job?
I own a small business and have a remote bookkeeper who works for me part time. She began working for me in person more than a decade ago and after several years switched to working remote. She’s now likely in her mid- to late 70s. I haven’t seen her in person since before Covid and she lives a couple hours away, so an in-person meeting isn’t particularly convenient for either of us. All of our correspondence is via email.
In the last year or so, the quality of her work has slipped, and she’s begun to make small, consistent mistakes. I’m concerned that she is no longer mentally sharp enough to continue as a bookkeeper, and I’m not sure how to proceed, as this feels like a major accusation. I don’t feel that the mistakes warrant her being fired, but the quantity of mistakes is increasing. When I point out the mistakes, I don’t get much explanation, just an “oops,” which is becoming very frustrating. It feels inappropriate to come out and say that I think it’s time for her to retire, especially when I haven’t seen her in years. I also feel terrible firing her if I’m misinterpreting the situation, as it’s likely very difficult for her to pick up new clients at this point.
As a side note, I’ve been careful to limit access to any money-transfer abilities because I know she fell for a common phishing scam several years ago that cost a client several thousand dollars when she granted access to their bank account.
Any advice for dealing with an elderly, remote employee is greatly appreciated!
— Anonymous
You shouldn’t tell her to retire, and I’m not sure it’s time for you to fire her, either, but I’m not sure there’s any other way to interpret the situation other than that her cognitive abilities appear to be slipping. Whether that’s because of age or health matters, or because she’s distracted by other things going on in her life, the result is the same: She’s messing up. (The phishing scam, while unfortunate, is probably less the result of cognitive limitations than well-meaning credulity.)
You should address her increasing propensity for mistakes directly, and as part of a targeted conversation. (It’s easier for her to brush the issue aside if you bring up her errors one by one.) Share your concerns about the volume of her mistakes, and make it clear that they are unacceptable, as they can (and have) cost you money.
As for the issue of communicating with someone who is working remotely and doesn’t live anywhere near you, the solution is simple: Set up a video call. It will be a lot more intimate than email or phone, and you’ll be able to pick up on nuances in this woman’s facial expressions, and calibrate your tone and your words.
Listen, it’s very possible, even likely, that your employee is well aware of, and embarrassed by, the increasing number of mistakes she’s been making. But you should show her some respect and offer her the benefit of the doubt by having an honest conversation about your concerns. She’s been working for you for a long time. See what she says and go from there.
Anna Holmes is the Work Friend columnist for The Times. She is a writer and editor and the founder of the website Jezebel.
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