I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed lately, both by the news and by a bit of life stuff. I wish I could retreat to a mountaintop, but my more realistic plan is to seek out the smallest possible things I can do each day to give myself a lift.
Every morning, for instance, I open my Merlin Bird ID app to see if any new birds have shown up in my backyard. (This morning I learned about a Northern Flicker, a bird I did not know existed.)
Micro-moments of positivity like this really can improve your well-being, said Barbara Fredrickson, director of the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Laboratory at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.
Even though these moments are fleeting, she said, they can “act as nutrients for psychological health and growth, helping you become a better version of yourself, little by little.”
Her research, and that of others, suggests that recognizing, cultivating and savoring these bits of happiness builds well-being, resilience and resourcefulness.
I asked experts how to incorporate more low-lift, bare-minimum pleasures into your life.
Look for ‘reverse pet peeves.’
“A pet peeve is something small that disproportionately annoys you,” said Bree Groff, author of the upcoming book “Today Was Fun.” In contrast, she said, “a ‘reverse pet peeve’ is something small that brings you disproportionate joy.”
This can be as weird as you like, Groff added. “I’ve noticed that I like arranging all the things at my desk at right angles,” she said. “It makes me feel some sense of peace and control over my little world.”
Schedule a few ‘T.L.J.s.’
MaryCatherine McDonald, a trauma researcher and author of “The Joy Reset,” uses another term for those bright bits of happiness: tiny little joys, or T.L.J.s.
Dr. McDonald’s clients have told her that their T.L.J.s include the first sip of coffee in the morning or the satisfaction of peeling a banana into perfectly even strips.
Start by listing all of your T.L.J.s. Once you’ve done so, try to make one of them a habit at a certain time of day, Groff added.
A friend of mine told me recently that he was not going to use the self-checkout kiosks at the grocery store anymore. He realized that he liked talking to a checkout person, he said, and was trying to build back more human interaction into his life.
Do something ‘slo-mo’ on purpose.
Dr. Sue Varma, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the N.Y.U. Grossman School of Medicine and the author of “Practical Optimism,” said that she liked to put a daily activity “on 0.5 speed.”
Research suggests that short periods of mindfulness can improve your psychological health. So Dr. Varma will choose to do something single-mindedly at half speed, such as washing dishes or applying her favorite skin care (which she described as “two minutes that make me feel loved”).
Normally I’m a box-checker who rushes through everything, but I took Dr. Varma’s advice and made lemonade at half speed: I slowly sliced the lemons, giving them a sniff and stirring the sugar syrup. (Pretending you’re on a cooking show in your kitchen and narrating out loud as you chop is another T.L.J., Dr. McDonald said.)
Find ‘the sliver.’
Sometimes the activities that give us “big joy,” such as vacations, require too much planning, money, time and effort, Groff explained.
While you can’t go on a getaway every day, you can find a sliver of vacation life to relish right now, she said. Perhaps at home you could replicate the drinks you had on vacation (and order a pack of umbrella toothpicks).
Instead of getting a full body massage, which is expensive, Groff said, she ducks into a nail salon and asks for a 10-minute chair massage. And rather than a lavish dinner out, she will make an afternoon smoothie and put it in a stemmed glass, which “feels more fun.”
If you love to paint, but you don’t have the time to haul out the canvas and brushes, you could aim for one doodle a day instead, Groff said. If gardening brings you big joy, bring a small basil plant to work and offer co-workers a basil leaf or two for their lunch.
Some of my favorite T.L.J.s take under a minute. For instance, I have a bottle of rose water on my desk at work. Sometimes when energy lags in the afternoon, I’ll ask a co-worker: “Do you want to be sprayed?”
I worry that I’m becoming the office eccentric, but most of my colleagues line up and shut their eyes.
One more thing. I have a question for an upcoming newsletter: How do you stay connected to a loved one that you have lost? There’s no “right” way to grieve, so I welcome any offbeat ideas. Email me at [email protected].
Extreme heat can affect almost every part of your body. Here’s how to stay safe.
A dangerous heat wave has blanketed much of the central and eastern United States this week. Get through a hot spell safely with this advice from experts.
Read the article: 7 Tips for Managing Extreme Heat
That sudden feeling of disgust for a love interest is called ‘the ick.’ Does it mean the end of a relationship?
Noisy eating, unprompted karate moves, playing nonstop Jimmy Buffett: The New York Times asked readers to share instances where they’ve experienced “the ick” and received nearly 500 responses. This sudden pang of aversion can be a dealbreaker — but not always.
Read the article: You’ve Got ‘The Ick.’ Is Your Relationship Doomed?
The Week in Well
Here are some stories you don’t want to miss:
-
Claims that paper receipts contain toxic chemicals have flooded the internet. Should you worry?
-
At an event called Airway, doctors of New York City spilled their guts. Read their stories.
-
Do regular facials actually improve your skin? Dermatologists weigh in.
-
Meet the women in menopause and perimenopause who have stopped trying to please people. They’re part of the “We Do Not Care” club.
Let’s keep the conversation going. Follow Well on Instagram, or write to us at [email protected]. And check out last week’s newsletter about easy ways to eat well this summer.
Jancee Dunn, who writes the weekly Well newsletter for The Times, has covered health and science for more than 20 years.
The post Happiness Doesn’t Have to Be a Heavy Lift appeared first on New York Times.
