Talking about money in relationships can be distressing. While you don’t want to make your partner feel ashamed about their financial health (or lack thereof), it’s still important to discuss these issues before they impact the relationship. Avoidance will only manifest into larger problems down the line.
“Money disagreements are one of the leading causes of relationship breakdown,” said Fred Harrington, personal finance expert at SaveMyCent, a Brooklyn-based digital savings platform. “It’s important to recognize warning signs before they become deal-breakers.”
To help daters spot potentially harmful financial behavior in relationships, Harrington outlined six financial red flags.
1. They try to hide their spending
While you don’t want to be controlling when it comes to your partner’s spending habits, if they’re going out of their way to hide receipts or purchases, this is indicative of a larger issue—especially if you have shared finances.
“Secret spending suggests someone either has a spending problem they’re ashamed of, or they don’t view the relationship as a partnership,” Harrington said. “Either way, it’s concerning.”
Just as you wouldn’t want your partner to hide messages or photos from you, the same goes for spending. Any sort of intentionally secretive behavior is a red flag—and one worth calling out.
2. They try To Control Your finances
As mentioned above, controlling your partner’s spending is just as harmful, if not more, than hiding your spending from them. If you notice your partner is attempting to tell you how you should manage your finances, address the matter immediately. This behavior can quickly become abusive.
“A partner who insists on managing all the money, refuses to let you have access to accounts, or monitors every penny you spend is exhibiting controlling behavior that often extends beyond finances,” Harrington warned.
3. They don’t financially plan for the future
While it might seem like a privilege today, having an emergency account is crucial to maintaining financial health and overall well-being. You never know when you’ll need to dip into your funds in a crisis.
If a hefty emergency fund isn’t feasible for your partner right now, at the very least, they should have a savings plan or path to improve their finances. There’s a major difference between someone who works tirelessly to make ends meet and someone who throws money away while working a dead-end job. If your partner is perfectly OK with racking up debt and has no plan to get themselves out of it, that’s a red flag.
“Someone who lives paycheck to paycheck by choice, not circumstance, may not be ready for the financial responsibilities that come with a serious relationship,” Harrington said.
4. They Pressure You into Major Financial Decisions
Similar to how your partner shouldn’t try to control your spending or manage your finances for you, they also shouldn’t pressure you to make any major financial decisions. This might look like co-signing a loan, making an expensive joint purchase, signing a lease for an apartment outside of their budget, etc.
“Legitimate financial opportunities don’t require immediate decisions or high-pressure tactics,” Harrington explained. “A partner who rushes you into financial commitments is prioritizing their needs over your financial security.”
In this case, you should communicate to your partner that you’re uncomfortable with making such financially heavy decisions. If they’re still pushy after you call them out, this points to a deeper issue of disrespect and lack of boundaries.
5. They lie About Debt or Income
Also known as financial fraud, lying about your finances—like your income, accrued debt, or amount of savings—can be a form of manipulation. Some people even label it financial infidelity, as you are “cheating” your partner of the truth.
“I’ve seen people discover their partner had tens of thousands in hidden debt only after getting married,” Harrington said. “Financial transparency should be non-negotiable in serious relationships.”
6. They Expect You To financially take care of them
While it makes sense for someone to pick up the tab for dinner after asking you on a date, constantly expecting them to pay for everything in the relationship is unfair. In many healthy relationships, couples take turns paying for one another—but without an “I owe you” mindset. If your dynamic seems unbalanced, or your partner is constantly demanding you buy them expensive meals or gifts, they’re likely in it for the wrong reasons.
“Pay attention to patterns,” Harrington recommended. “Someone who always forgets their wallet, never offers to split bills, or makes excuses about being ‘temporarily’ broke might be showing their true colors.”
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