Oftentimes, especially in longer-term relationships, we can become complacent or miss red flags due to our comfort level. After spending months or years with the same person, you might not realize how much you’re sacrificing to make it work. Or, on the other hand, perhaps you don’t see just how detached your partner has become.
Even in the happiest and healthiest of relationships, it’s important to regularly check in with yourself and your significant other—or, in more specific terms, conduct a relationship audit.
A relationship audit involves exploring the health of your relationship, as well as your fulfillment in it. During an audit, you can ask yourself questions that require you to reflect and dig deep.
Not sure where to start? Here are 10 questions to ask yourself—and perhaps your partner—when conducting a relationship audit.
1. Does the relationship feel balanced?
Relationships won’t always be 50/50, as we all go through ups and downs. Sometimes, your partner will carry you through some dark times; other times, you’ll be the one picking up their slack.
However, if you notice a pattern where you are consistently overgiving and underreceiving, as well as feeling unappreciated, you are not in an equal partnership. Sometimes, all it takes is making the other person aware of the situation in order for them to make changes.
2. Do you feel emotionally safe and secure with your partner?
Emotional safety and security within your relationship are crucial. If you’re constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, filtering parts of your personality, or hiding your feelings out of fear, the relationship likely isn’t as healthy as you think.
3. Are you both on the same page regarding future plans?
If your future goals don’t align with your partners’, you’re only wasting each other’s time and breeding resentment. As difficult as it might be to walk away from someone you love, if they don’t want the same things as you, you’re only hurting yourself—and your significant other—by staying.
4. Do you communicate openly and honestly?
Without open communication, a relationship is basically doomed. You have to be able to talk through feelings and conflicts as they arise, even if they aren’t romantic or pretty. Miscommunication or a lack of communication altogether is a recipe for disconnection and disaster.
5. Are you staying in the relationship out of hope or genuine contentment?
Be honest with yourself when you answer this question. Are you committed to the idea of your partner—you know, once they get their shit together and actually make you and your future together a priority? Or, are you actually happy with the version they present to you today?
6. How satisfied are you in the bedroom?
In some relationship dynamics, sex is an important part of a connection. While it certainly isn’t everything—especially in partnerships between non-sexual or asexual individuals—it can be a priority in many romantic relationships. We all have our needs, including emotional, physical, and sexual. While unfulfilled sexual desire is not an excuse to cheat, it can be indicative of a larger issue worth addressing.
7. How do you feel when you’re around your partner?
Our bodies speak to us—we just have to be willing to listen. If you’re constantly feeling drained, shut down, or insecure around your partner, this is a sign to step back and reflect. This doesn’t necessarily mean it’s your significant other’s fault, but it could point to some imbalances, incompatibilities, or a lack of reassurance within the relationship.
Of course, these feelings can also point to personal issues within relational contexts. For example, some mental health conditions might flare up during romantic relationships. Either way, the emotions need addressing.
The post 7 Questions to Ask During a Relationship Audit appeared first on VICE.
