In order for any relationship to work, there needs to be mutual compromise. You’ll have to adjust to and accept your partner’s quirks, deal with some inconveniences here and there, and make some healthy sacrifices.
Today, many people believe their relationship—and their partner—should be perfect. They see love as an ideal pairing, where there’s rarely conflict or tension. They value convenience and ease over genuine connection.
While you want your partner to bring you peace, and vice versa, this doesn’t mean there won’t be issues from time to time. We’re all human; we all have our bad days and low moods. Don’t write someone off or give up on a relationship just because it’s not “perfect” all the time.
However, sometimes, there are evident signs you should leave your partner. Abuse is an obvious dealbreaker, but today, we’ll discuss ones that aren’t as black and white. Here are four dealbreakers you never want to ignore in a relationship.
1. Emotional unsafety
As noted above, abuse is an instant dealbreaker that must be handled carefully. However, some forms of psychological abuse can be difficult to spot.
Suppose you’re constantly feeling belittled, unsettled, or even unsafe in your relationship. Maybe you’re an anxious person, so you tell yourself, “I’m just being sensitive” or “I’m being overdramatic.” Some victims end up blaming themselves rather than admitting what’s actually going on.
If you feel unsafe in your relationship, whether you deem it abusive or not, that’s a huge dealbreaker. Your romantic partner should make you feel loved and supported, not inferior and insecure.
2. Bigotry
According to Psychology Today, bigotry should be a major dealbreaker in romantic relationships—as it should be. However, in his article, Mark Travers, Ph.D., noted that bigotry often goes unnoticed until the relationship progresses.
Think about it: most people won’t show their true, offensive colors until they’re comfortable with a person. In other words, by the time you realize your partner is a bigot, you might already be deeply invested and feel tempted to overlook the truth.
“This cognitive dissonance will only grow stronger,” Travers wrote. “Their partner might tell themselves, ‘Sure, they think like this, but they’re good to me. They’re not outright cruel, and I’m sure they’ll change over time.’ And so, the relationship continues—until the consequences become impossible to ignore. Their partners may only realize once it’s too late that these traits never exist in a vacuum.”
If you notice bigotry within your partner, run in the other direction.
3. Opposing Life Goals
The idea that “love conquers all” is sweet and romantic, sure—but it’s not always true. No matter how much you love someone, if your life goals don’t align, it will be nearly impossible to build a fulfilling and lasting relationship.
For example, let’s say you want marriage and a family, while the person you love thinks marriage is just a piece of paper and never wants to procreate. These major differences will likely become dealbreakers down the line. Unless one person is willing to forgo everything they thought they wanted, the dynamic won’t work.
Not to mention, if someone does choose to sacrifice their dreams in the name of love, this might lead to resentment, which can be poisonous.
4. Frequent Dishonesty
Obviously, you can’t build a safe, secure foundation with someone who is constantly lying to you. In his Psychology Today article, Travers spoke about how many of us will give a liar the benefit of the doubt the first few times.
“The lies may seem minor at first: they forget to mention an old relationship, they exaggerate a personal achievement, they cover up something embarrassing,” he wrote. “No matter how unassuming or trivial they may appear, even lies that seem harmless in isolation can set a precedent.”
Odds are, the more you let it slip, the worse it will become. Don’t date someone who can’t communicate honestly and openly with you. You’ll always be left in the dark.
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