The term soft swap—aka soft swinging—has surged in popularity thanks to the Hulu docuseries The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. At the center of the conversation is influencer Taylor Frankie Paul, a former star of Utah’s polished “MomTok” scene, who stunned followers in 2022 when she revealed that she and her circle of Mormon moms had been engaging in partner swapping behind the scenes.
In a world of new Gen Z terms, it’s hard to keep up. According to Popsugar, soft swinging refers to “kissing, touching, and other forms of intimacy…a way for couples to explore boundaries in nonmonogamy without ‘going all the way.’” Think of it as swinging with an asterisk—couples stay technically monogamous by avoiding intercourse, but emotional and physical lines are often blurred.
That blurriness is exactly what led to trouble. Paul admitted during a TikTok livestream that the lack of structure caused her marriage to unravel. “We partied, we were intimate with other people,” she said, adding that the arrangement had been kept hidden from family and friends until it all fell apart. She eventually divorced her husband and became estranged from some of her closest friends
Soft Swapping: The New Intimacy Trend That is Blurring Lines and Ending Marriages.
Viewers of the Hulu series—and cast members themselves—have pointed out how absurd the mental gymnastics can get. “I just love how it’s like, ‘OK, we can do everything but sex so, it’s fine,’ but it’s like, no, you’re sucking someone’s d**k,” co-star Jessi Ngatikaura says in Season 1.
Relationship expert Nicole Moore told Popsugar that the success of soft swinging hinges entirely on communication and boundaries. Without clear rules—what’s allowed, what’s not, and when—it can quickly become emotionally messy. Moore noted that couples often start here when testing the waters of nonmonogamy, but if expectations aren’t set, intimacy can suffer rather than grow.
As The New York Post reports, younger generations seem more open to these arrangements. A 2023 Ashley Madison survey found that 59% of Gen Z respondents were interested in open or polyamorous relationships, and 65% believed those setups led to richer romantic lives.
Still, experts caution against mistaking trendiness for compatibility. Sociologist Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus said that many of these relationship structures can mask deeper discomfort with emotional vulnerability.
Soft swapping isn’t a new concept—but seeing it play out in suburban Utah changed the conversation.
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