Remember when we all made fun of Trump after he used the incredible power of the presidency to turn the White House into a giant QVC segment hocking Teslas, back when Elon and Trump were friends? The grift was obvious, sad, and quite pathetic. But it turns out that was a simpler time. As is usually the case with a Trump presidency, things have only gotten worse on the grifting front, as Semafor reports that several household goods companies have announced lines of products honoring, or at the very least capitalizing on, Donald Trump—because nothing means anything anymore and we’re all screwed.
From MAGA-branded rice cookers to fine porcelain dinnerware with his face on it, filling you with an uncontrollable urge to smash porcelain dinnerware, at least three major brands have lined up to feed the MAGA merch machine just in time for July 4th, with profits supposedly headed to the Trump Presidential Library. Or, at least, the privately controlled, for-profit half of it.
Instant Brands, the people who make the Instant Pot (a company that, in the grand Trump tradition, went bankrupt yet is still somehow around), is releasing a “45/47 Collaboration” collection. Developed with reps from Trump’s circle, it promises kitchen gadgets with a “Make America Great Again” flair. Think: pressure cooking, but make it “patriotic.” Cool. Very cool and good. We’re all going to be fine. It’s perfectly normal to need a crockpot with fascist branding.
Not to be outdone, Lenox Corporation, a company that supplies the White House with its dinnerware, is proposing dinnerware etched with Trump’s face, the White House logo, and gold-plated flatware for that full dictator-chic aesthetic. They’re also crafting snow globes with mini-Trumps raising their fists inside. Jesus Christ. Stuff like this used to only exist in the realm of satire. These people make fun of themselves, and they do it earnestly.
Live Comfortably and Simply Interior Homes have pitched a Trump bedding line inspired by Mar-a-Lago and the White House, complete with presidential seals on the sheets. They’re offering to provide these for free to Trump properties. The sycophancy is sickening. It’s incredible how quickly some people line up to kiss the king’s ring.
And let’s not forget the Trump-branded socks, Bibles, watches, and now, a mobile phone with “27/7” customer support from your “homw.”
Those typos are not mine, of course. They come directly from official Trump phone advertising materials, instantly letting you know the attention to detail that went into crafting what will surely be a huge piece of shit of a phone. It’s all part of a larger Trump-verse of trash that he and his inner circle of con artists and shameless opportunists will be making money off of in a flagrant disregard of ethics or even just the basic concept of good taste.
All of this skirts dangerously close to violating the Emoluments Clause of the Constitution, which, theoretically, at least, bars presidents from profiting from their office. Since he and the GOP control all levels of government, good luck finding anyone who’s going to enforce it. Until then, he’s going to piss all over your pathetic little concepts of morality and ethics and then try to sell you a Trump-branded piss towel to sop it all up.
The post The Sad, Ever-Expanding World of Officially Licensed Trump Merch appeared first on VICE.
