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Too Much Emotional Support
I am at a loss. We recently had a job candidate come in to give a presentation as part of the interview process and bring family members with them — their spouse and several children. This included a 1-year-old who the candidate carried around and interacted with, repeatedly interrupting their own presentation. The candidate also kicked off their shoes and walked around barefoot during the presentation. No one from H.R. was at the presentation (not unusual), but I did mention it to H.R. staff after the fact. The H.R. representative said that it is a generational difference and many candidates are showing up at interviews with parents, spouses, children or other family members in tow. This does not seem professional to me. Have I lost my mind? Does H.R. need to make a “no-family policy” for interviews?
— Anonymous
I’m at a loss as well. A spouse? Several children? Including a baby!
Full disclosure: I can’t tell if I picked this question to answer because it’s so amazingly bananas or because I want to try to figure out if this may, indeed, be a “thing.”
So let’s back up. No, you have not lost your mind. A job candidate’s bringing family members to an interview or presentation does not seem professional to you because in most cases it probably isn’t. And don’t get me started on the shoes.
I can’t think of many reasons that family members would accompany a job candidate to an interview. Frazzled nerves are not enough; emotional support can be offered elsewhere. (Beforehand, of course.) Children can stay with a babysitter or, in this case, be looked after by a spouse.
I can really think of only two situations in which a job applicant’s being accompanied by a family member or spouse makes sense. One: The candidate has mobility issues and needs assistance. Two: The candidate has other disabilities and needs assistance with communicating.
If family members must come along to an interview, this should be signaled by the candidate in advance and a request for accommodations made.
I understand that such situations exist. (Although I suspect you would have mentioned it if anything like that were in play here.) So what I think is really at issue for me is the outrageousness of bringing children. Children are disruptive and demanding. (They’re children, after all.) Couldn’t the candidate’s spouse watch their own children for what I assume was, at most, a couple of hours?
Do you and others in your office need to go as far as pre-emptively discouraging or barring the presence of family (or friends) at interviews at your workplace? I’m not sure it needs to come to that. In a follow-up email exchange, you revealed that you work in academia. So I asked a couple of experts in that field to weigh in on whether this really is a “thing.”
Denise Magner, a reporter for The Chronicle of Higher Education, put your inquiry to two of her colleagues who cover the job market and academic-workplace issues; neither of them had heard of this as a trend. Jennifer Furlong, the director of the Office of Career Planning and Professional Development at the City University of New York graduate school, said she has also not heard stories about spouses and children coming to interviews. She added that, though it would be understandable if a job candidate for a faculty position brought family members to a university in order to get a sense of the place, bringing them into an interview or presentation would probably negatively affect the opinion of that candidate by the search committee, regardless of the candidate’s qualifications.
As she put it: “Would I or anyone in my office say that this sounds like a great way to do an interview? No.”
In other words, if this comes up again, you should not feel bad telling the candidate to leave the family outside.
Addicted to Grammar Lessons
My company, which I launched more than 20 years ago, is in the business of public relations. As someone who takes communication seriously, I have a problem when grammar is abused, in or out of a work setting.
An employee was recently discussing her weekend on our Monday Zoom call (we go around the Zoom and share what we did over the weekend). She said, “Me and her went to the movies on Saturday night.”
I couldn’t contain it. I immediately responded with “X and I went to the movies on Saturday night, me and her never do anything, me can’t.” I further explained why me and X can’t go anywhere, like ever, and that there are correct ways to express this. The “me and X” example is what most people, everywhere, are using, and it’s offensive. For my part, I want to know when I say or write something incorrectly.
Technically, this example conversation took place during a work Zoom, but it was a reference to a personal experience. I correct my staff continually because we are in the business of communications, but is this OK? Please say it is. I don’t know if I can live without being able to offer the corrections!
— Anonymous
It’s offensive? I mean, I also take communication seriously. I’m a writer and an editor, after all. But it seems to me that your ire at your employee for mixing up — or, as you say, “abusing” — grammar is a little over the top.
I understand that you may want to know when you’re saying or writing something incorrectly. So do I. I also understand that you are in the “business of communications.” But there’s a time and a place to correct others, and a work Zoom is not that place; it could cause unnecessary embarrassment, and it sends a signal to other staff members that they can’t trust you to speak to them about mistakes in private.
I suggest that you consider changing your approach to how you communicate your concerns. You might consider getting copies of a grammar book for members of your staff and encouraging them to take a look at it. When a mistake is made in writing, respond to the staff member in writing. When and if an oral mistake is made, try to speak to the employee in a more private setting.
Or let it go altogether.
One potential way to get your point across — though it sounds as if maybe your staff got the point long ago — is to have a group conversation reiterating the importance of good grammar in your line of work. (This also might be a good time to hand out some of those aforementioned books.) Don’t single anyone out. Talking in public, even on a casual Zoom, can be nerve-racking for some people.
Also, many of us, even those of us who communicate for a living, make mistakes.
Anna Holmes is the Work Friend columnist for The Times. She is a writer and editor and the founder of the website Jezebel.
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