Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Fake News
On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel, who’s based in Los Angeles, mocked the idea that protests against immigration raids have turned the city into “some kind of totalitarian hellscape” — a notion pushed by President Trump (and some cable news outlets) as he sent in Marines and the National Guard.
“He wants there to be a war going on here, and he doesn’t care who gets hurt in it. There’s no riot outside. We have more so-called ‘unrest’ here when one of our teams wins a championship.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Not only is it not an apocalypse, they’re having a Disney Pixar movie premiere right now, for ‘Elio,’ a movie about aliens. Don’t tell Trump, he’ll send the Green Berets in, too.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“You know, when we had the wildfires that devastated big chunks of our city, he did absolutely nothing. Now that we’re in the middle of a nonemergency: ‘Send in the National Guard!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Putting out a fire you purposely start doesn’t make you a firefighter, it makes you an arsonist with a hose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Yes, nothing calms down a situation like a military invasion.” — DESI LYDIC
“You know, I’m beginning to wonder if Trump is intentionally trying to escalate this situation because more chaos allows him to portray blue states as centers of crime, while positioning himself as the strongman that the country needs to rally around. No, that’s silly. I’m sure he’s just doing what’s best for everyone.” — DESI LYDIC
“Now, as we speak, Trump has sent thousands of troops into downtown L.A. to quell what historians will remember as the Battle of That Video of a Burning Waymo Car They Kept Showing on Cable News.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“And to those of you in the National Guard who have been thrust into this: When Donald Trump orders you to do something that you know is immoral, try to get your dad’s podiatrist to write a note to say you have bone spurs.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“The president of the United States has been tougher on L.A. than on Russia. Remember that two-week deadline he gave Putin to sit down for peace talks with Ukraine? As of tomorrow, it’s two weeks. But, by all means, send the Marines to The Grove.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Trump’s terrible policy has generated a huge backlash, which he’s responded to by overreacting, which is going to generate another backlash. We don’t know how this is going to end, but at least we know it’ll be a huge waste of money.” — DESI LYDIC
“I just want to say, thank God for President Trump and the heroes at ICE for protecting us from these bloodthirsty fruit stand vendors, spreading their dangerous pineapple chunks and mangos with a squirt of lime all over the city.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Meanwhile on Fox News Edition)
“So, Los Angeles is on fire again. It’s like déjà vu, the French words for ‘Newsom sucks.’” — GREG GUTFELD
“California governor Gavin Newsom and Mayor Karen Bass denounced the federal immigration raids. So now they don’t want California to have ICE or water.” — GREG GUTFELD
“Newsom showed his statesmanship by tweeting frantically about Trump. For Newsom, this wasn’t violent chaos, it was a campaign ad: ‘I’m Gavin Newsom, and I approve this riot.’” — GREG GUTFELD
”According to ICE, the migrants arrested in L.A. included convicted sex offenders and drug dealers. Wow, no wonder so many people called in sick at Nickelodeon.” — GREG GUTFELD
“They call trespassing the Capitol an insurrection, but when liberals set a city on fire, suddenly they become Stevie Wonder — and I don’t mean talented.” — GREG GUTELD
The Bits Worth Watching
The French Open champion Coco Gauff made her late-night debut on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
Conan O’Brien will return to “Late Night” for the first time since he left for “The Tonight Show” in 2009.
Also, Check This Out
Sly Stone, who died on Monday at 83, redefined American music with his brilliant understanding of harmony, musical and otherwise.
The post Jimmy Kimmel Calls Trump an ‘Arsonist With a Hose’ appeared first on New York Times.
