I’m a scientist whose funding is held up by the federal government. All I’m trying to do is not fire people.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Bradley Moore, a professor at UC San Diego’s Skaggs School of Pharmacy and Scripps Institution of Oceanography. It’s been edited for length and clarity. BI has verified his employment, that he receives federal funding, and that he has not fired anyone. Representatives from the White House did not respond to BI’s request for comment.

I run a research lab at the Scripps Institution of Oceanography and oversee not just scientific research, but nearly 20 people, many of them at the beginning of their careers. To me, they’re more than students or employees — they’re family. My lab’s government funding is in limbo, and I’m doing everything I can to avoid firing people before their professional lives fully start.

Seven people in my lab have their contracts naturally ending this year. I usually try and extend people’s contracts if they don’t have another job lined up yet, but I can’t do that this year with the funding held up. Needless to say, I’m not hiring any new students or postdocs now, either.

I depend on federal money.

My lab gets almost all of its money from the federal government, which is more willing to invest in long-term research than private corporations or philanthropies. We study everything from how nature can inspire new medicines to contamination in seafood, and some of the experiments use really expensive equipment — the service updates alone can cost tens of thousands of dollars.

Now, some of my grants aren’t being filled on time, and I’m struggling to make ends meet. All I’ve officially heard is that the grants are “under review,” and it seems like my points of contact at federal agencies don’t have a good sense of when, or if, the promised money will get paid.

I finished my postdoc in 1996, and in all the years since, I’ve never, ever had a late payment from the federal government. The university is covering some of the costs for the grants that have lapsed, but I’ve had to start making cuts to keep everyone on payroll.

Securing a grant isn’t a simple process. Often, it takes years of research to even get the preliminary data you need to apply, and the applications are competitive. With federal funding uncertain, competition for the limited private sector and philanthropy money is even fiercer.

I’ll make pretty much all other cuts before firing people.

We’ve rolled back some pricey experiments. We probably won’t go to as many conferences or publish as many papers. I might take a pay cut.

Most of the people who work in my lab are Ph.D. graduate students or post-docs, and I spend a good part of every day working with them, helping them solve scientific questions and figure out where to go next.

Some of these young people have been working toward this point for 10 years, since choosing what APs to take in high school or what major to select in college. Their careers are so close now, I can almost touch them. This would be the absolute worst time to lay them off, and I won’t do it — that vow is sacred to me.

My employees are more than employees.

It might sound silly or overblown, but the group in my lab is like my family. I introduce them to my wife and kids. I attend their weddings. They’re more than just students to me, and this moment is challenging for all of us.

I’m an optimist, and I’m trying to focus on all that I can control. Right now, that means supporting the young people in my lab, who are the future of science in this country. As I wait for my grant money to hopefully come in, I’m taking it day by day to make sure all of us — from lab head, to post-doc, to graduate student — make it through this period with a job.

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