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My daughter clearly remembers her fifth birthday party. Granted, it was only a year ago, but considering she forgets almost everything I tell her, the fact that she recalls it at all feels like a win.
We held the event in my parents’ backyard. I ordered food, hired a company to give the girls manicures and hair treatments, bought a cake I was sure she’d love, picked out matching dresses for her and her sister, and spent time curating goody bags that wouldn’t get tossed the moment the kids got home.
In other words: throwing a fifth birthday party — a memorable one, at least — is a lot of work. Especially when you compare it to the minimal effort needed for a first or second birthday event in our family. That’s because, our kids don’t get big parties with all the bells and whistles until they turn 5, and that’s by design.
We didn’t bother with toddler parties for a reason
For a toddler, you can order some food for the adults, hire a company to play music for the babies, toss a ball pit into a quiet corner and call it a day. But I refused to do that, even when my daughter started begging for a party at age 3.
As I told her, and will eventually tell her three younger siblings, your real birthday party will come at age 5, even if it requires more effort to make it special since it involves entertaining older kids. Why do I refuse to throw a party for my kids before then? Because they won’t remember it as clearly, or at all, when they’re young.
The kids won’t remember early celebrations anyway
To be clear: our kids haven’t been denied celebrations before the age of 5, they have just been smaller, simpler affairs kept within the family.
They always get to choose whatever sort of birthday cake they want and are the center of attention during big family dinners that involve singing the happy birthday song in many different languages as the cake is served to all of their cousins.
We also celebrate their birthdays at school, within the guidelines set by their teachers. Only mommy attends the brief 10-minute event, which includes handing out cupcakes to the whole class, and a bit of dancing.
Things change when kids turn 5
At least in my social circles, age 5 — right around when kids start pre-K where we live — is when kids can handle being on their own with friends under the supervision of adults who aren’t their parents, teachers, or family members. That’s when drop-off parties, where guests are dropped off and get pick up when the party is over, become the norm.
There are many upsides to these kinds of events, starting with the parents themselves. I’m doing everyone a favor by not asking them to sit through the heat, loud music or the inevitable chorus of, “More candy! More cake! I want to go on the jumpy castle!” Instead, I’m giving them two blissful, guilt-free hours to themselves, knowing their child is having a great time.
And from a practical standpoint, I don’t have to worry about feeding or entertaining the grown-ups, because they’re not there.
Science is on my side
I did some research to really get to the bottom of the whole matter and assuage the sporadic pangs of guilt I felt when my daughter asked me for a birthday party before the age of 5 and, as I thought would be the case, it turns out that these sorts of drop-off celebrations may benefit the attendees’ social development.
According to a study on the power of play, unstructured peer interactions — those that occur without direct parental involvement, which is exactly what a drop-off birthday party is about — play a critical role in developing cooperation, communication and conflict resolution skills in early childhood. See? Even science proves our theory right.
Now our other kids know what to expect for their own parties. As my first daughter’s fifth birthday fades into memory — a clear one — I’ve started talking to my second daughter about hers. It’s not happening for another year, when she turns five. But planning is half the fun, and she’s already started.
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