You’ve likely heard of the term “ghosting,” where someone you’ve been seeing consistently suddenly drops off the face of the Earth. But apparently, there’s a dating trend called “haunting,” which might sound similar but actually is quite the opposite.
Basically, “haunting” refers to an ex who continues to engage with you online even after your breakup.
We’ve all been there, done that, or experienced it. We’ve all had that lurking ex who continues to watch our Instagram Stories despite unfollowing us, who likes our posts but won’t respond to messages, etc. Or maybe you’ve even been guilty of cyber-stalking your ex.
However, this continued behavior can be frustrating, especially when you’re on the receiving end and trying to move on from someone who hurt you.
What Is Haunting?
Haunting is essentially the opposite of ghosting. Rather than abruptly cutting off contact with an ex or past love interest with zero explanation, haunting is when a person still maintains communication, but only online.
Maybe they creep on your Facebook page, liking everything you share. Or perhaps they view your Instagram Story the moment you post it, sending a reaction. This can subconsciously keep you tied to them.
“Haunting is an emerging communication form because we must remember that sometimes, not saying something speaks volumes,” Damona Hoffman, a relationship expert and dating coach, told Essence. “When an ex haunts your social media, it can bring up feelings of nostalgia, dread, anger, and confusion—especially if it’s someone who ghosted you in the end without word or warning.”
When someone breaks up with you, the last thing you want is for them to keep tabs on you online. While it might feel good to occasionally receive their validation through liked posts or stories, this activity can get in your head and prevent you from moving on.
Many times, exes will “haunt” you to ensure you’re not forgetting they exist. It’s like pesky little reminders that they’re still around, but they just don’t like you enough to commit.
How to handle an ex who’s ‘haunting’ you
If someone is “haunting” you, it’s best to take your power back from them. Unless you’re completely unbothered by their constant lurking, consider blocking them from being able to see your posts.
“I only believe in blocking as a last resort,” Hoffman said, via Essence. “As a dating coach who focuses on communication, I prefer my clients express themselves with their words rather than letting what goes unsaid speak for them. However, there are some situations when blocking is appropriate and necessary.”
If you’ve communicated to your ex that you’re not comfortable with their constant interactions on social media, yet they’re persistent regardless, don’t give them any more access to you. You deserve someone who respects your boundaries and doesn’t “haunt” you as you try to move on.
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