In my 30s, I obsessively exercised. Now, I’m 44 and feel more confident in my dad bod.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Adam Lyons, a business consultant and investor. It has been edited for length and clarity.

At 26, I decided it was time to grow up — to stop partying, excessive drinking, and eating daily doughnuts. The changes led me to think I was pretty healthy.

But at 30, I had a health check, and my doctor told me he noticed some warning signs — heart palpitations and high cholesterol. It was a wake-up call.

I knew it was time to get in shape and decided to go all in. I got ripped, but another health scare made me realize I needed moderation. I’ve come to terms with the body I have now.

I was achieving all my fitness goals

In my journey to get fit, I hired a personal trainer, spent at least an hour at the gym every day, and ate chicken, fish, and vegetables.

This lifestyle lasted for about four years. At 6 feet tall, I got down to 167 pounds and was achieving the fitness goals I had for myself. I looked like your typical gym guy — lean and strong. At the time, I felt proud of my body and liked how it looked.

Completely unexpectantly, I had a stroke in 2018. Doctors told me I had exhausted and pushed my body too hard. I was shocked. I’d spent years living what I thought was a healthy lifestyle, but it turned out to be dangerous.

Months after my stroke, I passed out and severed two tendons in my shoulder. My body I had worked so hard to take care of, felt like it was falling apart.

I put on weight

Following my shoulder injury, I knew it was time to go gentle on my body. I didn’t exercise for a year, I put on weight, developed a big stomach, and had tiny arms. I felt self-conscious about how my body had changed.

Around this time, I talked with friends about how our bodies aren’t meant to sustain constant perfection. We aren’t 20-year-olds competing in body-building competitions.

What I needed at 40 was moderation. I needed to accept my age, and instead of trying to be super fit, just try to be somewhat healthy and active without going crazy.

I started to up my protein content, making sure 50% of my daily intake of food was protein — eggs, meat, beans, yogurts, and so on. I’m not on a keto or primal diet — I just eat a lot of protein to repair and preserve muscle. But I also eat carbs, fats, and dessert every day.

Although I didn’t need to get a six-pack again, I did want to be active. I bought some weights to keep in the living room, and I work out using them twice a week for 20 minutes. I just do the basics. I also sword fight twice a week at a gym, and sometimes with my five kids — it’s great cardio.

My strength now is functional. I can lift heavy things and feel strong, but I haven’t spent endless hours in the gym getting ripped.

I like my dad bod

Although I have what people call a dad bod, I have looked in the mirror for the last three years and liked what I see. I look like a dude, and I’m comfortable with the amount of energy I have put into looking like this. For the first time, keeping fit doesn’t feel like hard work or discipline.

My dad body doesn’t just look good to me — it’s very attractive to my girlfriend, who is 21 years younger than I am. She thinks my stomach is more comfortable to lie on, and our romantic life is alive and well. I never would have thought someone her age would have gone for someone my age, but she’s into me.

What I have found interesting is the response of men to my dad bod. I recently posted a photo of my body in my early 30s next to a photo of me now. Most women said I looked better now. It was men who got in touch to say I looked better before, when I was slimmer and stronger. They said to call them if I ever wanted to get back in shape.

I wasn’t healthy then. I don’t want to go back to that.

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