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In our house, we don’t pay our kids to do chores. There’s no allowance tied to emptying the trash and no reward system for sweeping the floor. At first glance, that might sound rigid — maybe even unfair. But the truth is, this decision is one of the most intentional things we’ve done as parents.
I’m a mom of three — ages 14, 11, and 5 — and for a long time, I tried to carry the full load. I’d cook dinner, clean the kitchen, do laundry for five people, run my own business, and still stay emotionally available to everyone. Like many parents, I thought “doing it all” was part of the job. But eventually, I reached a point where something had to give.
We decided to try a different approach to household chores
That’s when my husband and I decided to make a change. He works long hours and often gets home late, so we divided up responsibilities in a way that made sense for our family. He’s in charge of yard work and playing with the kids in the evenings. I cook and clean up after dinner and take care of all the laundry, including washing and putting away clothes for myself, my husband, and our youngest daughter.
But the rest of the household doesn’t just sit back and relax. Our kids have daily responsibilities — and not because we’re trying to raise the next generation of domestic superheroes. We’re simply trying to raise capable, aware humans who understand that homes don’t run on autopilot, and that being part of a family means pulling your weight.
When we first introduced the idea of chore assignments, I wrote out every task that needed to get done each day. I let my two older kids take turns picking from the list, rotating back and forth until everything was claimed. That way, no one could complain they got stuck with the “worst” job. It was fair, it was clear, and it gave them ownership right from the start.
Now, our 14-year-old takes the laundry to the basement where our washer and dryer live, collects the household trash, sweeps the main floor rugs, and keeps his room clean. Our 11-year-old is in charge of cleaning the toilets (a hero’s job, let’s be honest), replacing toilet paper rolls, bringing in the mail, putting away clean dishes, and keeping his room tidy. And our 5-year-old daughter feeds the dogs dinner, organizes the shoes at our front door, and puts away her toys.
And no, we don’t give them money for any of this.
These chores are simply part of being a member of our household. You live here, you contribute. That’s the expectation — not as punishment or control, but because we all benefit from a clean, functional home.
That said, we’re not against kids earning money. In fact, when one of our children wants to earn spending money to buy something, we give them the opportunity, but through bigger chores like babysitting their younger sister while we work, weed-whacking the yard, walking the dogs, or tackling a larger cleaning project. We’re teaching them that money is earned through extra effort, not handed out for doing the basics.
This system has had a big impact on our kids
What surprised me most about this system is how little resistance we get. It’s become routine, and it’s not up for debate. And because we’ve made it clear that chores are not a punishment — they’re just part of life.
Most days, all the kids’ chores combined take about 15 minutes. But the impact has been tremendous — not just on my own mental load (though yes, that’s real and important), but on our kids’ sense of ownership and independence. They don’t roll their eyes when I ask them to sweep or take out the trash. They just do it.
As a mom, I see how this structure is quietly shaping their character. They’re learning time management, responsibility, pride in their space, and even a bit of gratitude, because they understand what it takes to keep a household running.
This approach doesn’t come with Pinterest-perfect chore charts or daily incentives. It’s not flashy. But it works. And it’s helped restore some peace and balance to our home.
More than that, it’s sending a message that I hope sticks with them into adulthood: you don’t get paid just for showing up. You show up because it’s the right thing to do. And when you want more — more money, more responsibility, more freedom — you work for it.
That’s the lesson we’re trying to teach in our home. And it starts with a trash can, a broom, a toilet brush — and a whole lot of trust that these little things will add up to something bigger.
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