Send questions about the office, money, careers and work-life balance to [email protected]. Include your name and location, or a request to remain anonymous. Letters may be edited.
Doing Laundry on the Company Dime
I work in a 25-person company. We have the option to work remotely, which most of us do. Our work is very cyclical. During our busy cycle, I routinely work six days a week, 10 or more hours a day. We are currently in our “slow” cycle, and I have almost nothing to do aside from producing one report per week and virtually attending a couple of meetings. Once I fulfill these duties, I’m at a loss on how to spend my work days. About three-quarters of the employees are in the same situation. Is it OK to go to the store, start dinner, do some laundry, do a bit of cleaning, go for a walk, et cetera? I feel extremely guilty doing these things, although I always have my phone on me and am available. The fact that we are all salaried and well-compensated makes the rational part of me think that it all evens out over the course of the year, but I still feel guilty during the down cycle. Thoughts?
— Anonymous
It’s more than OK to do these things during work hours — it’s essential. Working 10 hour days, six days a week doesn’t give anyone much time for errand-running, domestic duties, self-care or relaxation. You should take advantage of any and all openings in your schedule to get other things done.
Look at it this way: By focusing on nonwork-related tasks, you’re not being unproductive but giving yourself back time in order to make the actual moments when you’re working at full speed more productive.
It’s not as if you’re spending your “free” hours watching Netflix, though I suppose that would be your prerogative. And: you’re still working — you mention attendance at meetings and producing reports — and, as you say, you always have your phone on you, which counts for a lot. It means that you’re not neglecting your job — as you seem to worry you are — but using its positives, in this case, the free hours it offers, to be productive in other areas.
Listen: Your free time isn’t your problem to solve. If your managers and superiors are OK with continuing to compensate you during your and your colleagues’ more quiet moments, why should you argue? They’ve made an executive decision that they appear to be comfortable with, and I encourage you to let go of the guilt. Lean into your “rational” side. And enjoy your free time. We should all be so lucky!
Trapped by Project Management
I’m a few years into my role at a small consultancy. I’ve been promoted twice, received multiple raises and built a strong reputation internally. I’m known for being adaptable and a strong writer, and someone who can bring clarity and structure to complicated projects. I feel valued, and I enjoy what I do.
But here’s my problem: I’m terrible at project management. And it’s a core part of my job description.
Not just “ugh, budgets are boring, am I right!?” kind of terrible. I mean that it’s the kind of work I could not be less suited for. Budgets, task delegation, setting deadlines, tracking profitability, invoicing: It’s like pulling teeth, and I always mess up. I’ve tried plenty of systems, but I was the kid with crumpled homework, a trash-filled locker, endless late notices and last-minute projects pulled off at 3 a.m. I was diagnosed with A.D.H.D. as an adult, and while medication really helps, project management feels still like forcing a square peg into a round hole. I’m excellent in a team (and even leading parts of our work!) but not managing a team.
The other problem: I’ve gotten too good at covering it up. I almost always find ways to fix my mistakes or — at the very least — ensure that others don’t bear the brunt of them (which can cost me my sleep, weekends and my mental health).
I’ve tried to subtly bring up my organizational struggles without undermining myself, but my comments are usually waved away with something like: “Pshhh, you’re being too hard on yourself — again!” I’ve managed to hide the cracks well enough and my otherwise good reputation is carrying me the rest of the way — but that good reputation now feels like a trap, because it leads to more project management responsibilities that I can barely eke out.
I think I’ve built up enough of a rapport that I could bring up this tension more explicitly — because if something doesn’t change, I’m going to have to find a different job anyway. I’ve suggested shifting some of my hours toward a newly-opened communications role — which is a natural fit, and something I already do informally — while focusing on in-depth project work (but not project management). The management team didn’t shoot it down by any means, but they seem a bit hesitant — they stressed that they “want to make sure I still have enough time for managing projects” (since I’m so good at it).
Is there a way to put my cards on the table without A) breaking the illusion of being organized, detail-oriented and generally competent or B) coming off as entitled or unwilling to do “the hard parts” (it’s not like anyone loves project management, after all) or C) sounding like I’m giving them an unreasonable ultimatum (“either you let me do less of my job, or I leave”)?
And is there a way for me to gracefully communicate that I don’t care whether this means I don’t move up in the ranks? I don’t care about being promoted — I just want a break.
— Anonymous
No wonder your superiors want you to help manage projects! Based on your letter, you seem dependable, communicative, flexible and a team player, all of which are characteristics that people want in a manager.
Also: Everyone makes mistakes. Are your mistakes — which you say you always manage to fix in the end — of a different type than others’? I’m not so sure they are.
To be honest, it feels that there’s a little bit of impostor syndrome involved here. And that’s fine! We all have it, to a greater or lesser degree. But just be aware that how you think about yourself is going to affect how you talk about yourself to others. And that’s what needs to happen next.
I encourage you to sit down with your superiors and discuss your concerns. (I discourage you from bringing up your diagnosis of A.D.H.D. because it doesn’t feel germane to the discussion and, besides, you’re under no obligation to explain yourself in this way.) Have you followed up with the management team about the potential for you to move into a new role? If not, you might want to try returning to the subject as an opening tactic in having a “larger” conversation about your limitations in project management. (I also wonder if the reason they’re being hesitant about shifting your hours is because they think you need more time for managing projects, because they know it’s not your primary strength.)
As for worries as to how you may come across, you have a greater likelihood of coming across as willing and competent by admitting your concerns about your abilities. You can also express concerns about how your managers might interpret your concerns — explaining that you don’t want to come across as entitled but that you’re really struggling in some aspects of your job. Stress that it’s more important for you to do great work at a level that feels both challenging to and commensurate with your abilities, than to do bad work at a level that does not. In the latter situation, no one wins.
Lastly, remember what you said about the importance of protecting your sleep, weekends and mental health. You won’t continue to be a good employee and effective colleague without a better work-life balance. You’ll eventually burn out and/or, as you suggest, have to find another job. Let’s not let it get to that.
Anna Holmes is the Work Friend columnist for The Times. She is a writer and editor and the founder of the website Jezebel.
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