Sometimes, love requires sacrifice and compromise. While you will never meet someone who matches you 100%—and honestly, that’s a good thing—certain incompatibilities can tarnish a connection/relationship.
Here are 10 signs of incompatibility—and how to address them.
Signs of Incompatibility
1. You have opposing senses of humor.
Believe it or not, humor is an important part of a successful and healthy relationship. If one partner has a more immature or inappropriate sense of humor, while the other has a more intellectual or dry sense of humor, this could escalate into a serious disconnect.
2. You feel you can’t be yourself.
If you’re hiding or filtering parts of yourself to fit in with your partner and in their world, you likely aren’t naturally compatible. Your significant other should accept you just as you are—and vice versa—making you feel proud to be yourself in every setting.
3. You have different levels of ambition.
Ambition can make or break a connection, especially if it’s unmatched in a relationship. For example, if one person is extremely ambitious about their career while the other couldn’t care less about their own, this will likely lead to some resentment. Additionally, two partners might be ambitious about completely different things, which can also lead to conflict.
4. You have different priorities.
Our priorities point to what’s most important to us. If you prioritize your health, wellness, and relationship, while your partner prioritizes their career, finances, and social status, you might find yourself struggling with feelings of neglect or disconnect.
5. You don’t share the same life or relationship goals.
Conflicting life and relationship goals can be one of the biggest signs of incompatibility. For example, if one partner wants a family someday while the other is dead-set against having children, that’s a pretty major disharmony.
6. You find yourself trying to change the person.
Sometimes, no matter how deep your connection might be, you might catch yourself trying to change your partner to be more like you or the people in your life. This isn’t always a conscious choice, either. Take note of whether you love and accept your partner exactly as they are. Are you willing to stay with him if they remain the same, or are you dating them for their potential?
7. You have different lifestyles.
A straight-edge, sober yogi who prioritizes their spirituality and spends more time in nature than around people probably won’t be compatible with a social butterfly/partier who experiments with drugs on the regular. Of course, this is an extreme example, but you know what they say: sometimes, opposites attract. If that’s the case, you should consider whether the lifestyle incompatibility is something you can work through together.
8. You don’t respect each other.
No one is 100% compatible in every single way. Respecting each other’s differences is what truly matters in the end. If you can’t accept and respect your partner’s lifestyle, hobbies, passions, or even faults, the relationship will never work out.
9. You don’t feel emotionally safe.
Physical safety is obviously a must-have, but many people glaze over the importance of emotional safety. If you can’t be vulnerable, honest, or open with your partner, you likely aren’t as compatible as you thought.
10. You have vastly different sex drives/intimacy needs.
Sex isn’t everything, but it can be an important part of a healthy romantic relationship. If you feel you have a much higher sex drive than your partner, or you crave more physical affection (like cuddling or hand-holding) than they feel comfortable giving, you might be incompatible.
How to address incompatibility in a relationship
Just because you’re incompatible in some ways does not mean your relationship is doomed. Through healthy communication and compromise, you can work through these differences and even challenge one another to grow.
Additionally, realize that you can shift your view on what you consider incompatibilities vs. differences. For example, just because you have an opposing sense of humor doesn’t mean you can’t learn to appreciate that about your partner. And while you might have different intimacy needs, you could find a middle ground to ensure both of your needs are met.
However, some of the more concrete incompatibilities, like different life goals or priorities, might require serious conversation and sacrifices. You have to ask yourself whether you’re willing to give up on certain dreams or values for the other person, and/or vice versa. Of course, this could lead to resentment in the end, but it’s not necessarily impossible to find a solution. Just make sure you’re not neglecting yourself in the name of “love.”
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