When Lila Rowe and Julie Henrietta Bailey first connected, Ms. Bailey was dressed as Cleopatra, complete with a floor-length orange dress and gold makeup, accessories and headdress. It was June 2007, and the two were on the same float, one devoted to diversity and arranged by a mutual friend, for Pride in London, the theme of which was “Fairy Tales, Myths and Legends.”
After the parade, they gathered with other revelers at First Out, a beloved gay cafe and bar in Central London that has since closed. Although the two had crossed paths many times at local L.G.B.T.Q. bars and clubs, “This is where we both first heard each other speak passionately,” Ms. Rowe said. “We both were silently impressed with each other.”
In the following months, a combination of serendipity and near misses ensued. In February 2009, at a local club, “We came dressed in almost the same colors,” said Ms. Bailey, who goes by Jai. “It was so surreal.”
In July, at the Presidents Ball, a Black queer celebration inspired by the optimism of the Obama era, Ms. Rowe and Ms. Bailey, along with their partners, found themselves conversing about Blessence, Ms. Bailey’s online magazine for lesbians of color that ran from 2008 to 2011.
A few months later, in November, Ms. Rowe unexpectedly walked in on Ms. Bailey in a bathroom stall at a club. “It was a very awkward moment,” Ms. Bailey said. But Ms. Rowe broke the tension with a playful, flirtatious remark: “Everyone wants to be locked in a toilet with Jai Henrietta.”
After Ms. Rowe left the bathroom, Ms. Bailey recalled having a “swoon moment,” needing to “gather herself before going back to the club.”
Ms. Bailey was dating someone at the time, but knew Ms. Rowe “fancied me,” she said. “And I was happy because I liked her.”
In May 2010, Ms. Bailey invited Ms. Rowe, not once but twice, to her birthday party. The night of the party, Ms. Bailey waited impatiently for Ms. Rowe at a bar in the Honor Oak neighborhood of South London.
“I hadn’t heard from her and I wanted her to be there,” Ms. Bailey said. “I spent the entire evening not really engaging with people because I was looking for her.”
When Ms. Rowe finally did arrive, “She came down the street and she looked beautiful,” Ms. Bailey said. “I jumped and threw my arms around her and said, ‘You came!’ My friends were like, ‘You were so subtle.’”
Still, nothing happened between them. Though both were single, each was uncertain about the other’s relationship status.
In June, Ms. Bailey invited Ms. Rowe to watch the World Cup match, England vs. Algeria, at Ms. Bailey’s workplace at the time, an ad agency in London’s Soho neighborhood.
“My office was equipped with a bar, pool table and large-screen TV,” Ms. Bailey said. The score that night was 0-0 for the game and when it came to the two of them hooking up.
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“I guess I’m quite cautious in nature,” Ms. Rowe said. “I got home and I was like, damn. I still wasn’t 100 percent sure about her ex.”
A week or so later, after discovering they were both newly single, Ms. Rowe asked Ms. Bailey out for a drink. “It sent my friends and me into a tailspin trying to assess what ‘for a drink’ actually meant,” Ms. Bailey said. It meant a first date.
In late June 2010, the two began the evening with drinks at a bar on Dean Street in London’s Soho neighborhood. “Then Lila announced that we were moving on to another venue,” Ms. Bailey said. “I was surprised but followed her.”
It turned out that Ms. Rowe had arranged for an extravagant three-course meal at the restaurant in the St George Hotel, now the Treehouse London. “We were on the top floor,” Ms. Bailey said. “It was breathtaking.”
After dinner, they moved to the velvet-covered booths. It was the first time Ms. Rowe held Ms. Bailey’s hand.
A little over a year later, the two moved in together into a rental house they found in London’s South Norwood neighborhood. But the arrangement lasted less than a year. Ms. Bailey, who has a 25-year-old son, Elliot, from a previous marriage, and Ms. Rowe were also trying to have a baby of their own, though they have since chosen not to expand their family.
“After the stress of I.V.F. and different parenting styles, along with being over 40 and set in our ways, we decided to live apart again, but we remained a couple,” Ms. Rowe said.
After trying therapy, the couple moved back in together into Ms. Rowe’s flat in South London in May 2014. “We had not resolved our issues but missed each other,” Ms. Rowe said. “We soon realized this was a bad idea.” In January 2015, they officially broke up.
But that August, they bumped into one another at Brighton Pride on the south coast of Britain. The synth-pop band the Human League was headlining, “and we shouted from the depths of our lungs to the lyrics, ‘We’ll always be together in electric dreams,’” Ms. Rowe said. As they danced and sang, “We absolutely knew in that moment that we would reconcile,” she added.
And just two months later, Ms. Rowe underwent a partial hysterectomy and became very ill. Ms. Bailey was at her bedside almost daily. Ms. Rowe said she realized after that just how much Ms. Bailey loved her. “From that day on, we have not looked back,” Ms. Rowe said.
Between 2019 and 2024, the two lost more than half a dozen family members between the two of them. “The succession of illnesses and deaths brought us even closer,” Ms. Rowe said.
They moved back in together into Ms. Bailey’s flat in South London in May 2021.
Ms. Rowe, 57, is a self-employed qualified accountant who received her qualification at what is now called BPP University. She was born in London and raised in Sidcup, England.
Ms. Bailey, 56, is a personal assistant to investment bankers at a bank headquartered in Frankfurt. She earned a Higher National Diploma in business and finance, as well as a travel and tourism diploma from Ealing College of Higher Education, now the University of West London. She also holds a National Qualification in Journalism. Miss Bailey was born and raised in Birmingham, England.
Ms. Rowe proposed to Ms. Bailey on an Olivia Travel chartered cruise for L.G.B.T.Q. women in April 2024. The itinerary included a stop in Mazatlán, Mexico, and a floral-themed night on the cruise the same evening.
“Knowing how much Jai loves flowers,” Ms. Rowe said, she knew that would be the day.
After spending the day in Mazatlán and returning to the cabin to get ready for the party, “I was ready to go and Lila said, ‘Come on the balcony, the sun is setting’,” Ms. Bailey said. “I was a little grumpy about it.” Ms. Rowe is always filming, Ms. Bailey said, so she wasn’t surprised to see the camera set up.
“Lila said into the camera, ‘We’ve had a beautiful day in Mazatlán. The sun is setting. It’s lovely.’ I started to giggle,” Ms. Bailey said. “And then she said, ‘I think it’s a perfect time to ask Jai Henrietta to marry me.’ I thought I was going to fall overboard.”
The two were married May 24 at the Clarendon Hotel in the Blackheath area of London, by Suzie Bassett from the Lewisham Register Office with 170 attendees.
Shortly after the ceremony, guests were led to the gardens for drinks and canapés while the couple went to the dining room to look out at the guests from a large picture window.
“It was a beautiful moment and a time to reset,” Ms. Bailey said. “It was very heartwarming to see guests enjoying the day and taking in the reality that we were now married.”
On This Day
When May 24, 2025
Where Clarendon Hotel, Blackheath, London
Fashion Forward Ms. Bailey wore an ivory lace halter dress with an open back from Whistles called the Maria and ivory shoes from Irregular Choice. Ms. Rowe wore a pink jacket and trousers; brown brogues by Hawes & Curtis; and a cream floral waistcoat and matching bow tie.
Celebrity Sighting The actress and comedian Gina Yashere, known for her work in “Bob Hearts Abishola” and “Star Trek: Starfleet Academy,” was Ms. Rowe’s best person. “As a comedian, my speech has to have a high level of comedy as well as the poignancy,” said Ms. Yashere. “I managed to pull it off.”
“I’ve known her for years,” Ms. Rowe said. “Gina brings out Lila’s alter ego,” Ms. Bailey said. “Lila is very safe and measured. Gina brings her wild side.”
Paying Homage The couple’s first dance was a nod to the musical “Grease.” Ms. Bailey said, “We love Sandy and Danny,” who the couple dressed up as for the choreographed dance to “You’re the One that I Want.” “It was an absolute showstopper,” Ms. Bailey said.
Clear Skies “It was sunny every day for a week before the wedding,” Ms. Bailey said. But the prediction for the wedding day was rain, with a day of sunshine to follow the very next day. “Thankfully, the rain literally cleared and the sun appeared in time for the ceremony, drinks reception, and photos in the garden. We were very fortunate.”
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